zZz.. today mood down to the fullest liao le.. haizZz.. heard from the news that A levels de results coming out this friday.. my heart sunk to the bottom.. its the moment of truth.. the release of results.. and the determination of my fate for the few yrs to come.. haizZz.. and i realli have not been looking forward to the arrival of this day..

realli stressed up liao le.. haizZz.. was juz complaining yesterday that i have so many things on my mind.. and oh wells, another burden is added on my shoulder.. thats my A level results.. sianzZz.. yucks.. haizZz.. worried till dunno wat to say liao le.. budden guess i have to face the truth ba.. i roughly noe where i am.. and i am realli not having much hopes for As de results.. dunno ba.. guess have to be realistic and think of wat i can do if i realli fail for A levels..

dunno leh.. i have been realli trying hard to stop thinking bout stuffs liao le.. and try to calm myself down.. think my frends realise i have been moodly recently.. no longer the one who can joke and have fun liao le.. and i cannot help it.. cauz there are simply so many things that are worrying mi.. and i am so helpless.. and i realli dunno wat to do.. haizZz..

there are many things i guess i should try to learn to let go and to learn to forget.. but i do not want to give up hope.. and i am not someone who will give up easily.. budden many a times life is cruel.. haizZz.. realli still hoping for a miracle to happen for my A level results and miracles to happen for the things i wanna achieve.. haizZz.. but it seems so hard to happen.. haizZz.. dunno la..

think should be getting a resignation form tml liao le ba.. think if results realli cannot make it i wun have the mood to carrying on working also.. sianzZz.. realli quitting soon le ba.. think i will stop here ba.. stop toking bout sad stuffs liao.. hahax.. have a feeling i am becoming a pessimistic person.. wahahax.. flying off..

do miracles exist?

today suddenly very down in mood.. resting in the afternoon then off to work again in the evening.. the start of the day was still fine.. same hectic day and tiring.. clearing tables and taking orders and serving customers.. got very used to it liao le.. budden dunno why.. when doing side job that time mood suddenly went way down..

got realli affected by wat one of my colleague told mi.. he was feeling angry and upset also.. so went to ask him whether he was alright.. was concerned cauz he wasn't feeling so good.. budden he said something which hurt mi alot.. he said i shouldn't pity him.. i realli dunno wat to say.. i was onli concerned and worried for him as a colleague and as a frend.. budden i realli din understand why he had to say such stuffs.. that i was juz taking pity on him..

i can prefectly understand his feelings.. being picked on no matter right or wrong.. and there are so many unreasonable requests all the time.. i can totally understand his feelings.. and i feel exasperated towards all those stuffs as well.. but wat i cannot comprehend is the fact that why he had to feel i was pitying him??? was asking whether he was alright means i am taking pity on him??? i realli dunno.. but i guess he is feeling equally bad too.. and i am not taking it to heart.. cauz i noe he din say it on purpose but out of anger and exasperation..

there are so many things going thru my mind right now.. and i cannot figure out a way to sort of my thoughts.. everything is running wild in my head right now.. and i dunno wat to do about it.. this feeling realli sux.. there are so many things i cannot fathom and there are so many things i am worried about.. and there are so many problems that i cannot solve.. and i cannot help my frends also.. i am realli helpless..

i realli dunno wat to do liao le.. it was fun working in the past.. now suddenly everyone is so unhappy with work.. everyone is like so pissed and angry with work.. mi too.. i realli got the urge to take a resignation form juz now.. cauz my first opinion bout work is that i have to be happy working there.. but i am not.. budden i am sill hanging on.. for my colleagues.. for the relationship i have with them.. and i noe its worth it.. budden i realli question my abilities to hold on..

i realli hope my mind wun go bersek soon.. apparently recently i am doing nothing else but grumble all the time.. budden think i onli have this place to vent on ba.. cauz apparently i dun like to show it in front of my frends and colleagues.. the things i am worried bout is juz spiraling upwards non stop.. realli hope i will sort out my thinking soon ba.. if not i will become a unhappy person like in the past again.. and i dun wan it to happen ever in my life again..

think i will stop here ba.. tml finally have a day off.. gonna take a break and hope can chill out with frends.. and stop thinking for a day.. but think i cannot ba.. wahahax.. difficult to stop thinking bout things.. gtg le.. flying off...

stuck in a pit of quicksand.. so difficult to crawl out of it.. hoping for a miracle..

quite a week.. hahax.. finally back to blogging liao le.. hahax.. it was chinese new yr week last week.. onli work on the eve and then break for 2 days for the 1st day and 2nd day of new yr.. worked on tuesday, had off on wednesday then thursday worked full day..

it was quite a week.. full of ups and downs.. very tiring also.. hahax.. cny was as usual.. went visit relatives and then catch up with relatives.. budden for mi cny will nv be the same as in the past.. whenever there is such an important festival, one is bound to miss his or her loved ones who are no longer ard.. i do too.. thats why i can nv enjoy cny as much as the past anymore.. and the mood is juz not there..

have been thinking about lots of stuffs recently until i think too much sometimes.. sometimes i think i realli paranoid about stuffs.. there are juz too many things bothering mi liao le.. and i cannot help but worry and worry.. but there is nothing i can do about all of them.. my results is coming out soon.. my fate will be determined.. but the release of results is simply delayed and delayed.. zZz.. i'm worried.. freaking worried.. but i juz can't do anything about it.. haizZz..

wednesday was a better day for this week.. went out chill out with colleagues.. actually wanted to catch norbit at a earlier time.. long time no catch movie liao.. budden in the end cannot get tixs for the show.. so din watch.. had sakae buffet with reggie, melvin, jing shi and shi hua at frontier there de sakae.. after that melvin and jing shi left earlier cauz they had to work.. so reggie, shi hua and i decided to watch the show at 7pm..

the show was interesting.. hahax.. funny in fact.. very very funny.. the comedy cheered mi up alot and pulled mi away from the worries and the stuffs bothering mi.. hahax.. at least i was happy for the 2 hrs of show.. hahax..

today was a draining day.. work for 10.5 hrs.. wow.. scary.. till a point i almost felt the fatigue running thru every single vein in my body.. hahax.. especially my ankle and knee.. starting to feel the bad bad strain liao.. cauz last time had quite a bit of injuries from the sports i play.. budden in the end managed to pull thru today.. hahax.. after work went supper with reggie and ben then now resting at home finally.. one good thing for today is that i can finally bill already.. long awaited.. wahahax..

i realli starting to feel this job is getting mundane liao le.. actually quite tired liao le.. but i am still hanging on.. hope i can till the end of march.. then go NS liao le.. hahax.. budden NS will mean i will lose many things.. haizZz.. dun wanna think bout it ba.. haizZz.. already got enough qns i have for myself liao le.. dun wan another burden riding over mi.. think i might juz suffocate myself.. zZz..

i guess i will stop here ba.. not much things to blog liao le.. even if i do onli unhappy stuffs i think.. and there is juz so many many things i cannot express myself here.. dunno how to say also.. juz that weird feeling going thru the mind and heart.. haizZz.. gtg le.. flying off..

i'm trapped in a pool of uncertainties..

zZz.. today off day.. finally.. after 2 long days of tiring work.. can realli feel the fatigue running thru mi liao le.. back is aching and knee is also aching.. all those old injuries i had are coming back to mi liao le.. and i can realli feel the exhaustion liao le..

i realli start to think whether it was realli a right choice to join service in the first place.. dunno why.. izzit a big prob when i cannot bill?? does it mean i am useless when i cannot bill??? i was willing to take over my colleague job on valentines.. a off day for mi to rest and recharge.. but all i get is some shyt saying that my colleague shouldn't get someone to bill to come to work.. realli gotten very very pissed..

i start to hate the management in westmall already.. they are a bunch of big idiots.. nv care about staffs de feelings de.. when they need u they will call and ask u nicely whether u can help them work anot.. then when u are not needed u are a useless person.. shyt.. wat stupid logic is that??? narrow minded and stupid think i say.. management is bound to fail if the higher ups fail to treat staffs equally.. and i truly feel the management in my restaurant have failed in this sense.. arghhh..

i so feel like quitting.. i so feel like giving up liao le.. realli sick and tired of getting scolded.. yesterday cauz they din put enough staff to work and it was so damn freakingly busy.. kanna scolded by the new manager saying she damn messed up and centre very very busy.. shyt la.. like my fault liddat.. its their own prob when they decide to put onli 2 staffs for centre when the mininum needed is 3.. ya.. its all my fault.. and they got nothing to do with it.. idiots..

i am still hanging on recently cauz of some of my colleagues there.. but i realli cannot tahan the humiliation i get there.. i dun wanna get scolded all the time as if everything is the newcomer fault which is my fault.. i dun deserve all this i think.. and i think the rest who are going thru this also feel the same.. i realli dun feel respected working there.. arghhhh.. gonna quit soon i think..

sianzZz la.. tml got to work again.. and it is LAST MINUTE again.. cauz apparently someone copied my schedule wrongly and placed a X at my time slot tml.. but i had to work.. and that someone is apparently the one who planned the schedule.. and din bother to change it.. got to noe this onli yesteday and they called to say i have to work tml.. zZz.. and if i reject it will be all my fault and my irresponsibility again.. wow.. amazing.. thats work at sakae man..

haiya sianzZz la.. keep grumbling this few days.. and grumbling is not a nice thing to do.. especially before CNY.. its suxs.. haiya.. budden felt better liao le after ranting all my unhappiness out.. hahax.. i will end here ba.. if not start ranting again.. gtg.. going off..

when can i get the answers i want??????

sianzZz.. think my blog got porblems sia.. the last post i posted cannot be shown on my blog.. zZz.. and it was a long long long post.. sianzZz.. blogger weird weird de.. zZz.. nvm then.. forget bout it.. sianzZz..

today's valentines day.. hahax.. here wishing all couples in the world a very happy valentine and all my frends who had found their other half a great great day.. hahax..

as for mi, it will be a busy valentine i guess.. hahax.. got a great date coming up.. and the date is sakae sushi westmall.. hahax.. taking over my colleague's job today cauz she had something urgent on.. oh wells.. hahax.. go work better.. can earn money.. better then doing nothing at home.. wahahax..

i guess thats all for today ba.. gonna do spring cleaning for my room today.. very very messy.. have to clean up today.. hahax.. too busy lately to clean up my room.. wahahax.. think i will stop here ba.. gtg.. flying off..

erm.. guess its a realli realli long time ever since i have updated liao le.. guess should realli try to keep my blog alive ba.. hahax.. lately have been very busy with work and also busy playing games.. so din realli update my blog.. wahahax.. and lately very broke also cauz have been spending all the time.. so a rough update of wat i did last week..

last tuesday went steamboat with my colleagues they all at bugis there de steamboat place.. had ma la huo guo.. hahax.. that day hock yong, xiao yun, zhen lin, wei xia, kwang yee, anna, yih pei and mi went for the steamboat.. hahax.. din realli like the food there.. cauz wasn't very good.. budden in the end still had 3 servings og the buffet.. hahax.. the company was fun and it was a fun dinner.. hahax.. enjoyed myself alot..

some pictures i took that day..





















before..





















after.. hahax..

then wednesday actually very hectic.. actually needed my colleague to stand in for my work de.. cauz had revelations in skl and i thought that it will take a long long time and i needed someone to take over my job.. cauz had lunch with my colleagues also.. budden its happens that in the end i did not need my colleague to stand in for mi.. and i had a nice time on wednesday..
in the morning met some of my fellow facilitators sharon and syafiq to go in skl together.. i and syafiq arrived earlier so decided to go in skl earlier while waiting for sharon.. hahax.. walked ard the skl doing nothing practically until the event started at 10.30 liddat.. hahax.. the j1s gathered in their ogs probably for the very last time.. i went to find my og also.. hahax.. reached the hall and finally saw some familiar faces.. peeps from og 20.. hahax.. its realli very nice to see them again after so long.. hahax.. din go to their past few outings cauz of the hectic work schedule.. hahax..

the ogls had their march in as usual.. its exactly like the one i did have when i was an ogl.. wahahax.. nothing changed.. oh wells.. wat can i say.. wahahax.. then started to say the usual stuffs to try to make the j1s sad and tentatively to make them cry after that.. wahahax.. budden i guess they din realli succeed.. hahax.. cauz the atmosphere wasn't realli set right and ppl were damn high.. and i realised its realli difficult to get my og to be sad also.. so i guess i juz joked and had fun ard.. hahax.. ogls presented their gifts for the og and i think the campers did appreciate wat their ogls did for them.. wahahax.. every one of the present was very unique.. hahax.. left ard 12 plus cauz had lunch with my colleagues..






















og 20 group photo.. hahax..

went off quite early cauz i din wanna be late for the lunch.. in the end the rest of them very very late.. zZz.. should have left later.. could have had more fun.. nvm la.. i had fun at lunch with my colleagues wei xia, zhen lin, melvin and reggie at lot 1 sakae.. hahax.. yup jap food again.. hahax.. after that went to play pool.. hahax.. budden had to leave earlier cauz got work on.. zZz.. hahax..
budden glad to be able to see wei xia and zhen lin cauz long time nv met them liao le.. hahax..

friday was also a good day.. went lot 1 ard noon to meet yih pei, xiao yun, linda and xue pan for lunch.. hahax.. xiao yun and yih pei reached lot 1 first and then they went in suki sushi for buffet first.. yah.. SUKI BUFFET.. its jap food again.. hahax.. dunno why.. ppl who work in jap restaurant love jap food.. wahahax.. xiao yun and yih pei finished quite alot liao le before i even came.. wahahax.. cauz yih pei ard mah.. wahahax.. jkjk.. linda came not long after i reached.. after that sandberg also came to join us for the buffet.. hahax.. had a nice time dining and chatting with them especially when they are very fun loving ppl.. hahax.. yih pei and xiao yun went off first cauz they had to work at 3.. wahahax.. so mi, linda and sandberg continued eating until xue pan came.. hahax.. ate until 4 plus and i went off with linda cauz we had to work.. it was an enjoyable day.. hahax..

yesterday i finally got some time to go find my new yr clothers liao le.. hahax.. met my bro joel in the afternoon to go raffles area there to go new balance concept shop to buy clothes.. had 40% off cauz my frend is working there.. hahax.. got a polo t-shirt which was at a very very good price.. hahax.. walked ard raffles and also suntec with joel looking here and there for clothes and stuffs.. also looked at katanas he was interested in.. hahax.. after that went bugis street to look for clothes again.. hahax.. got a t-shirt with quite a nice design at onli $8.. hahax.. quite worth it.. after that then went to work liao le.. hahax..

the rest of the days i should be working onli.. and work means nothing but grumbles and sianzZz-ation.. wahahax,, so shall not update bout the boring stuffs.. i guess thats wat i have been doing for the past week ba.. quite tired liao le.. got alot of things on my mind i am thinking right now.. alot of things which are troubling mi.. especially my A levels results.. and some thing else on my mind also.. think my mind is going bersek real soon liao le.. thinking so much recently..

i realli hate this feeling.. i need to have the courage to face things.. and the courage to face failure.. zZz.. i dunno leh.. i realli dunno wat to do if i fail badly for my exams and in the things in my life.. i realli dunno.. many a times ppl say we have to be strong and face the reality with will.. but i feel that its realli difficult to do it.. in fact its realli impossible to do it.. cauz ppl will definitely be discouraged by failure and i think it is nv easy to face failure with ease.. this feeling realli sux.. and i realli dunno wat to do.. realli vexed.. i need answers realli.. but when can i ever get it??? when will i ever pick up my courage to do it??? i realli dunno........

haizZz.. work is going to be so sianzZz liao.. went back to sakae westmall becos i realli love the working environment there.. everyone of my colleagues is very fun and nice to work with.. i guess we are realli a bonded team of service crew and we have the best teamwork i guess..

budden yesterday 2 of my colleagues received an unwelcomed request.. they were requested to be transferred to the lot 1 outlet.. actually to say is not request.. is they are asked to be transferred to lot 1 and there is nothing they can do about it.. they were not given clear reasons and explanations why they have to be transferred over to lot 1.. watever they asked the higher ups cannot give them a good answer..

my 2 colleagues were realli sad and exasperated at the same time.. i feel the same way too.. i realli wonder why they have to be transferred to another for no particular reason.. everyone in sakae westmall are working well together and i believe good teamwork is crucial in providing good service.. i realli wonder why the company would wanna break up such a great team..

i understand the fact that transferring of staff is inevitable.. but as a established company, i feel it is onli right staff members get to noe the real reason why they are transferred.. but none of it is given.. and my colleagues have no say over this issue.. i feel this is so unfair.. they were not even asked whether they are willing to transfer anot.. the decision is so unfair to them and to the rest of us who are unwilling for them to go..

i am realli fed up with wat i am seeing in such a big company.. actually disappointed to say.. does authority means unfair treatment??? i realli cannot understand.. does it mean that we are part time service crew members we have no rights and have to be thrown ard like rubbish??? this is so unfair.. this might be a small issue budden it is a big failure of such an established enterprise..

haizZz.. feel so exasperated now.. budden i am still hanging on.. cauz there are ppl there i realli enjoy to work with still.. budden if my colleagues decide to quit and they will be transferring others over or me over, i think i will juz quit liao le.. haizZz.. this sux.. i guess i will stop here ba.. if not i will start swearing already.. so sianzZz......