great day

today i had a great day.. rotted in the afternoon then went to find my junior xun kai at his place.. hahax.. went swimming at the swimming pool at his place and also played table tennis there.. wahahax.. fun.. long time no play table tennis liao le.. after that went to makan at a coffee shop and went play badminton..

after badminton went bukit panjang plaza to go have supper.. my treat.. lol.. had mac.. chatted with him for a long long long time.. hahax.. we alwaes do so after badminton last time.. great to be able to juz chat with him cauz everytime i chat with him there will be things i realise and realli appreicate..

the things we do is alwaes so simple.. so common.. play sports and stuffs.. then chat.. but i realli appreciate the time i spent with this very special junior of mine.. and chatting with him alwaes relieve mi of the many problems i have.. its realli by chance we met at orientation.. would nv have met him if i din join ogl.. and realli din regret my choice of joining ogl..

this post is realli dedicated to this junior of mine.. realli cannot thank him enough for being there for mi all the time when i needed someone to juz listen.. and toking to him alwaes gives mi lots of surprises and i also learnt alot from him.. he is so mature compared to mi being older than him..

today while toking to him, he told mi to not think bout the worries i have.. bout my frends and stuffs.. bout worrying i might drift away from them.. wat he told mi is so true.. and i realise a fact in life.. nothing is forever in life.. life is ever changing and nothing will remain the same forever.. the many special moments in life will realli turn into memories that will follow us forever.. and that is realli the things we should appreicate in life.. and i will rmb all the special moments i had as eternal memory..

realli feel so good juz being with my junior.. he juz a great great frend.. a great confidant.. realli will like to take this opportunity to thank him for all he had done since the time i known him.. thanks so much xun kai.. hopefully army wun drift us apart.. and will make our frendship stronger.. like he said.. army is realli a test of frendship and i will see who my true frends are.. u are forever my greatest pal!!!

think i will stop here ba.. gtg le.. tml should be going out with my senior zi cheng.. lol.. flying off!!! =)

lol.. today was a tiring day.. early in the morning jiu wake up liao le.. cauz got bai bai at home.. qing ming jie.. have to bai zu xian.. ya.. plus last night sleep very very late.. thats why so tired and slept when my elders were praying.. very bad.. think next time should juz sleep earlier liao le.. and have to train to wake up early liao.. 4 more days to NS le..

after bai bai went market buy army de stuffs.. bought quite a lot of stuffs for army.. hahax.. slacked at home when mel called mi and wanted to come my home with ben.. hahax.. so met them at teck whye lrt station there de basketball court cauz i suggested to play bball.. but in the end still went my home to play com.. wahahax..

after that ben went to find his frend while melvin accompanied mi to jp to find a cap.. sianzZz.. in the end decided not to buy one.. cauz apparently my head too too big liao le.. cannot fit any of the caps and i looked ugly in them.. hahax.. so abolished the idea of buying a cap.. wahahax.. melvin bought a bball shorts instead.. lol..

after that went westmall to buy some stuffs i need for NS also.. sianzZz.. some stuffs.. hahax.. so pai sei la.. hahax.. sianzZz diao worx.. thanks mel for accompanying mi worx.. hahax.. then went back sakae to visit our colleagues.. hahax.. chatted with them for a while then went back home liao le.. then on the way back my jie ka jiao mi and asked mi wat i bought.. sianzZz.. so funny la.. think those on the train noe wat i mean.. wahahax.. dun wanna mention here.. lol.. thanks har jie.. wahahax..

saw something on melvin's blog.. so bad.. i sure will slim down de lo.. lol.. slim until u cannot recognise.. wahahax.. but realli hope we can keep in contact during my NS period also.. hahax.. dun wanna lose contact with u guys.. hahax.. take care worx everyone in sakae.. hahax.. think i will end here ba.. my posts getting boring day by day.. time to think of interesting stuffs to write liao le.. hahax.. so can entertain u guys reading.. wahahax.. gtg.. flying off..

back to JJ

after so long, went back to jj once again.. hahax.. the feeling is great.. hahax.. after such a long time i have not been back in skl, i realli miss the times in skl.. hahax.. sitting down and crapping with frends.. its juz so great.. jj is juz cool.. wahahax.. all the wonderful memories i have there.. hahax..

today went back to visit my juniors in cldds.. hahax.. nice to see them.. last time keep saying that i wanted to visit them after exams but din cauz was too occupied with work liao le.. today finally got the time to go fulfill my promise.. hahax.. reached skl and asked xun kai to meet mi at the gate so saved the trouble with the security guard.. but the guard was nice cauz noe him quite well liao le.. hahax..

toked cock with xun kai and his frend for a while then went to see cldds.. hahax.. cannot realli tok to my juniors cauz they were busy discussing about syf stuffs.. so stayed outside the room and met my junior jayne and started toking crap with her.. hahax.. toked for quite long worx.. bullying her.. wahahax.. but it was realli nice chatting with the juniors i noe after so long.. hahax.. so great..

walked ard the skl together with xun kai.. saw many many familiar faces and ppl.. hahax.. and ppl keep saying i slimmed down a lot a lot.. damn shiok la.. hahax.. hopefully can slim down more after BMT.. hahax.. onli got to tok abit with my cldds juniors after their cca.. think today went the worng day liao.. cauz they busy with stuffs.. but still good to be able to see them.. hahax..

after that rotted in skl with xun kai.. toked to his juniors also.. hahax.. rotted for quite some time in skl then went back liao le.. xun kai went back home while i went to buy things i needed for army.. starting to prepare liao le.. hahax.. spending quite a lot of money also.. lucky my dad gave mi allowance to buy my army stuffs.. hahax.. thanks dad..

its simply great to visit skl today.. juz simply toking to my juniors and chatting with them makes my day.. cauz i would be too busy in army to do so any time soon liao le.. so its realli a blessing i took time off to go back skl today.. realli realli treasure the times i spent in skl today.. every second toking to my juniors.. its juz great.. think no words can describe how i feel ba..

think i will stop here ba.. tml got things on at home.. so not going out.. but have to continue to get ready my things for ns.. hahax.. gtg le.. flying off!!! =)

fun fun fun..

these few days have been fun fun fun for mi.. hahax.. hahax.. monday went to my bro joel's home to pass him his bdae present.. lol.. played at his house for the whole day.. hahax.. it was fun.. hahax.. also had lots of fun cauz of joel's cute dog terry.. hahax.. super duper cute.. stick to mi the whole day also.. trying to grab attention also.. make mi sayang him.. wahahax.. uper cute worx.. shall upload some photos worx..

terry.. hahax..

that day played X box at his home for the whole day.. played DOA and also Halo 2.. wahahax.. quite fun.. hahax.. also had dinner over at his place.. his parents were so nice to have bought food for mi.. hahax..

then yesterday went out with zhen lin, wei xia, vincent and melvin.. hahax.. went back to sakae to have buffet.. hahax.. met many of my ex colleagues there.. lol.. so fun playing ard with them also.. but guess choose the wrong day liao le.. cauz not everyone.. but i still had fun.. hahax.. ate alot.. until my whole stomach super duper full.. hahax.. anna and jing shi also drew some funny funny pics.. i and vincent added stuffs also.. wahahax.. upload here.. wahahax..

hahax.. super cute worx.. lol..

ika, salmon head, fried tofu, ebi, hotate, kani and idako.. lol.. cute..

after the buffet went pool with lin xia and vincent.. melvin went play badminton with his frends.. hahax.. played ard 2 plus hours.. then lin xia and vincent went home liao.. went back to sakae to visit my ex colleagues again. can go home together with reggie also.. hahax.. helped xue pan with menu then everything done liao le.. had supper with reggie and anna at mac and then went back with reggie..

back at sakae reggie asked mi why i she bu de leave sakae.. i realli dunno how to ans his qn.. dunno leh.. i realli she bu de.. maybe its juz in mi ba.. cannot let go of the frends i noe.. even if i onli noe them for a very short period of time.. i'm this kind of person ba.. its in mi.. hahax.. thats why army suxs for mi.. and i had been feeling quite down recently having to be drifting away from my frends after i go NS.. hahax.. but let nature take its course ba.. i'm sure everything will be fine.. hahax..

think i will stop here ba.. gtg le.. later going back skl visit my cca juniors.. hahax.. last time alwaes say will visit them but din.. hahax.. today must go back and visit them.. lol.. think will be fun.. ending here le.. flying off!!! =)

tired...

today was a super super hectic day for mi.. woke up ard 12 plus in the afternoon.. cauz last night slept very late.. ard 4 plus in the morning.. cauz was chatting with my junior on the phone for the night.. so good to be toking to him after so long.. hahax.. felt better toking to him also.. cauz he alwaes seem to be able to give mi extra sensible advices.. hahax..

went bai bai today.. cauz qing ming jie.. went sao mu for my grandparents.. once in a yr onli.. so it was an important event.. had lunch at my aunt's place today.. then head off to sao mu.. there was a great traffic jam.. so took a long time to reach.. then somehow halfway thru heard my uncle and aunt had a great quarrel.. to an extend my uncle headed back home.. but somehow he came back in the end..

i realli cannot understand adults.. they can be grumbling at every single thing.. though i dun noe wat realli happened, but i heard from my sis it started from something so lame.. i realli cannot understand why adults like to quarrel over trivial stuffs.. haizZz.. and i also cannot help in any way.. can onli keep quiet.. cauz i noe my elders can nv listen to wat i say de.. they think they are forever right.. thats my family.. still did sao mu.. went sao mu for my grandma after we finish bai bai at my grandpa place..

that was the time i broke down liao le.. realli emotional broke down.. tears flowed down my face when we were finished and my dad ask mi to pray to my grandma to bless mi for my NS.. i broke down totally.. i missed my grandma so so so much.. she was the one who doted on mi the most all the time.. and listened to wat i say.. rmbing her saying she wanted to see mi thru NS.. but now she can't liao le.. i simply dunno how to describe how i feel.. i realli miss her so so so much.. but in the end i picked myself up and stopped crying.. cauz i noe this is life..

haizZz.. thinking over these few days bout my life when i go in NS.. and whenever i think bout such things nothing comes out of it.. hahax.. realli feel helpless.. quite difficult for mi to accept the fact that i am going to drift apart from my frends.. cauz no time to contact them.. my colleagues.. my study buddies.. my og frends.. my senior..my junior.. my best pals.. this feeling totally sux.. especially my colleagues.. so difficult to accept the fact that i will not be that close to them liao le.. cauz juz started to get to noe them better and i left them already.. this sux.. hate this..

but wat my junior told mi last night realli made mi feel better.. and i think its realli life.. this is inevitable for a guy in his life.. and he told mi life is onli meaningful when we lose something.. its true.. but to mi i also think ppl onli learn to appreciate things in life when they are going to lose something.. i realli deeply understand this fact.. but juz this is also another chance to learn something ba.. learning to let go and move on.. nonetheless i will try my very best to hold on to the frendship i have with all my frends..

think i will end here ba.. tml going to try meet my bro joel to give him his bdae present.. lol.. hahax.. gtg le.. very very tired now liao le.. juz like the title.. wat a day.. flying off..

a song my junior juz sent mi.. very nice.. Last request by Paolo Nutini..



here's the lyrics..

Slow down, lie down, remember it's just you and me
Don't sell out, bow out, remember how this used to be
I just want you closer is that alright, baby let's get closer tonight

Grant my last request and just let me hold you
Don't shrug your shoulders, lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there, lay down beside me

Now I've found, that I'm bound, to wander down that one-way road
And I realise all about your lies, but I'm no wiser than the fool that I was before
I just want you closer is that alright, baby let's get closer tonight

Grant my last request and just let me hold you
Don't shrug your shoulders, lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there, lay down beside me

Baby, baby, baby, tell me how can, how can this be wrong?
Grant my last request and just let me hold you
Don't shrug your shoulders, lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there, lay down beside me
One last time let's go there, lay down beside me

OMG.....

haizZz.. onli 10 days left till NS liao le.. this feeling sux.. realli realli sux man.. from last night thinking till today.. there are so many things i haven accomplish yet.. and there are so many things i wanna do before NS.. but time is realli running out for mi.. i can hardly do anything in this short ten days..

but i think i will look on a brighter side.. 10 days.. seems short.. but there is still time.. better than nothing.. now that i am free from my job, i can realli get down to plan stuffs and outings.. there are so many ppl i wanna meet.. it has been so long so long since i have met some of my frends liao le.. realli miss them so much..

yesterday went for dinner with my study buddies liao le.. hahax.. so great.. at least i managed to meet a group of great pals i realli wanted to meet.. there are still so many frends i wanna catch up with.. think its time i take a step and go plan outings already..

1) outing with my very own og 28.. miss everyone of them to bits..
2) go out with my sec skl buddies joel and dinesh..
3) meet up with my best best junior xun kai..
4) chill out with my senior zi cheng
5) catch up with zhen lin, wei xia and vincent they all..
6) visit my colleagues at westmall..
7) have dinner with my family..

haiyo.. so many things to do.. need to prepare my buddy de bdae present also.. hahax.. some other things also.. haiyo.. sianzZz.. time is running out!!! hope i can finish wat i wanna do before NS.. hope i realli do.. think gtg le.. have to go apply for teacher liao le.. and might be going swimming later with joel.. flying off!!!

woohoo..

2 straight days going out.. hahax.. thursday went for bbq at my colleague ky house.. lol.. the bbq was still alrights.. juz that atmosphere wasn't right.. aiya.. dunno la.. was moody during the bbq.. thinking bout lots of stuffs.. din play much also.. hahax.. so bad.. din go and have fun with my colleagues..

after the bbq tonned at ky place for the night.. watched dead or alive the movie.. super stupid movie.. lame de.. fight from the start till the end.. no plot de.. lol.. then after the movie reggie, melvin, kwang yee and shi hua fell asleep.. onli left mi zhen lin and vincent awake.. hahax.. chatted the whole night and played cards to entertain ourselves the whole night.. hahax.. its so nice toking and chatting with them.. realli feel there is a connection there with them..

in the morning went play bball at ky house there de bball court.. fun but reggie got injured.. but ok le.. then sent reggie off cauz he going SP.. actually going with him de but his frend going with him so decided not to go.. hahax.. actually wanted to go back liao le budden in the end jumped into the swimming pool and swam for a while.. wahahax.. after that went boon lay have breakfast with xia and go home liao..

yesterday sleep for like 4 plus hours when i reached home.. then woke up and prepare to go out again with my jc study buddies.. actually nazi and bin hao coming de.. but nazi mum got sick and bin hao decided to ps us.. sianzZz.. so onli mi, yvonne and hao chun met up.. lol..

went town to find yvonne cauz she at taka.. reached there le but in the end cannot find her.. lol.. so retarded.. kept making calls to find where she is.. hahax.. in the end still found her.. there was a sudden change of plans and in the end we decided to go suntec makan.. met hao chun at city hall mrt.. hahax..

so went makan at suntec city.. went secret recipe for dinner.. hahax.. the food was nice.. not bad.. i had grilled chicken rice and a choc cheese cake.. uper nice the cheese cake.. hao chun had stewed lamb and von had fish and chips.. chatted during the dinner and it was so fun.. long time no chat with them le.. hahax.. realli like the past during study period.. hahax.. after the dinner we decided to go visit nazi at her place.. lol.. bought her a white choc cake from secret recipe.. lol..

chatted alot with them in the night.. it was so so so good.. the feeling is simply great.. like last time we used to be chatting in skl.. hahax.. so fun.. shared my troubles with them and i realli felt so so so good.. relieved in fact.. with my frends listening to my troubles and i seem to be relieved a bit of my burden.. hahax.. thanks guys for making my day.. hopefully still got chance to go out have fun again after my bmt.. hahax..

its like 10 days till my NS liao le.. still got so many many things i have not completed.. and so many things i have not learnt how to let go.. sianzZz.. hate this feeling.. it sucks..army means my freedom, my time and my frends.. realli dun wish to lose any of my frendships.. haizZz.. i hope i wun.. cauz i will try my best to hold on tight.. and i think i have to realli try to let go of things before i go NS.. sianzZz.. hopefully i can..

life is not about the number of breaths we take, but the moments which take our breaths away.. realli glad i have so many memorable times with my frends..hope i will keep in contact with them still.. think i will end here ba.. very very tired.. flying off!!!

学会了放手，才能够得到真正的自由...

Goodbye Sakae..

today is my last day in sakae liao le.. very last day le.. it marks the end of my stay in sakae westmall le.. lots of emotions going thru mi.. having mixed feelings today when i left.. hahax.. happy that i no longer have to shou qi anymore.. but realli sad to be leaving my bunch of super great colleagues..

dunno how to say leh.. joined as a promoter in dec.. then decided to stay in service crew.. many a times i wanted to quit and resign.. cauz realli hate the job.. getting scolded and yelled at for nothing most of the time.. but its realli the bunch of great colleagues i have that kept mi going.. realli forged so many great friendship in my stay in sakae..

actually din expect to make so many frends de.. cauz its still a job and i thought ppl will realli be like juz colleagues.. but wat i experienced is totally different from wat i reckon to be.. i realli made a great bunch of frends in sakae.. we are a united team of ppl.. and alwaes go out have fun also.. lol.. had lots of memories in sakae.. most of it are good ones and becos of my colleagues.. the fun and joy i had spending my time with them is realli limitless.. lol..

realli lots of ups and downs in my course of work.. results and lots of probs troubling mi.. but whenever i go out with my colleagues, i can forget bout the troubles i had for the time being and have fun with them.. realli realli grateful to have known everyone in sakae westmall..

here would realli like to take this opportunity to thank all my colleagues i worked with.. melvin, reggie, ben, linda, xue pan, jing shi, amanda, anna, shi hua, kwang yee, caseline, agnes, hock yong, wei xia, zhen lin, vincent and yih pei.. if u all happen to read this, realli thank you guys for making my stay in sakae a memorable and enjoyable one.. appreciate u guys tons..

realli hope can still keep in contact with everyone.. though it is a difficult task cauz i going NS soon le, but i will still try my best to hold on to the friendships that i have forged with everyone.. thats mi.. hahax.. hope i will not lose any of these friendship with my colleagues.. here wanna thanks everyone in sakae westmall again and hope everyone will take care.. all the best in everything.. i will visit u guys when i am free.. lol.. think i will stop here ba.. if not getting more and more emo.. might cry later.. lol.. flying off!!! =)

sianzZz.. feeling itchy all over my body.. having rashes.. think i am realli allergic to alcohol ba.. feeling so terrible right now.. hopefully the rashes will subside soon ba.. cannot afford to let my parents noe i drank.. sure kanna till jia liat jia liat.. anyone has any methods can help mi make my rashes subside??? sianzZz..

today registered for uni liao le.. dunno wats the results ba.. still have to complete the application for teacher.. hopefully can finish soon ba.. lol.. then paid for the application fee liao le.. haizZz.. totally broke this month liao le.. no money to spend at all le.. sianzZz.. still got so many outings and dinner to go to.. hahax.. sianzZz..

tml is my very last day at work liao le.. working full tml.. so fast.. my last day le.. it was onli like yesterday when i juz started work.. think shall blog more tml ba.. think ending here liao le.. got important stuffs to do now.. flying off!!!

back from chalet!!!

hahax.. back from chalet liao le.. it was nice.. lol.. though din have bbq budden it is still great.. had quite a lot of fun at the chalet.. lol.. yesterday supposed to meet at JE at 2pm.. hahax.. in the end turned up late cauz happened to met the rest of them and took train together.. so were late together.. lol..

reached je ard 2 plus.. then took the train to pasir ris.. sianzZz.. it was such a long trip.. hahax.. luckily had jokes going among us that kept us going during the trip.. then took bus at pasir ris to coasta sands resort.. lol.. checked into our chalet which was upgraded cauz the ppl who came yesterday were more than expected.. hahax..

some of them started playing PS2 and the rest strolled ard the chalet.. i joel and wei da decided to rent a bike overnight cauz we actually intended to do night cycling.. but in the end rented 2 bikes cauz wei da was going to go off in the morning and he decided to share with joel.. cycled together with wei da along the beach and it was ard sunset de time liao.. hahax.. took lots and lots of pictures of the sunset.. hahax.. shall upload some here.. lol..

nice scenery..

trees from below.. lol..

nearing sunset..

sun set liao le.. night sky.. so beautiful..

was strolling along the beach and chatting with wei da and joel.. hahax.. joel happened to find a plastic cup.. inside contain 2 jellyfish sia.. wth.. hahax.. someone actually caught the jellyfish and placed them in a plastic cup.. we dig a hole to bury the cup halfway so that the jellyfish can escape when the tide comes.. hahax.. took a picture too..

notice??? the jellyfish is in the cup.. lol

after walking along the beach, went back to the chalet.. ppl there were wei siong, wye huong, chak yong, kent.. they playing PS2 there.. hahax.. somehow we starting chatting bout our life in singapore and the pros and cons in singapore.. it was a very interesting chat among all of us.. first time the ppl in 4/8 discussed bout these kind of stuffs.. hahax.. guessed we all all grew up le.. also started reminisicing bout sec skl days and joking bout the teachers weird gestures.. lol..

mi and joel went to pack dinner for the guys in the chalet at kfc after the long chat cauz we had bikes and it would be very fast.. hahax.. bought 2 party meals and a meal for wee boon.. lol.. cycle all the way to kfc and back.. lol.. having a bike in a chalet is so much convenient.. had dinner and we all carried on playing in the chalet.. also did night cycling with wei siong and joel.. hahax.. night cycling is so so so fun..

its ard midnight we all decided to drink something nice.. hahax.. vodka.. wahahax.. heard wee boon they all bought it.. Absolut vodka.. hahax.. alcohol 40%.. woots.. first time ever in my life i drank.. wahahax.. had ard 4 to 5 cups of vodka mixed with ribena and soda water.. also had ard 2 cups of pure vodka.. sianzZz.. 2 cups of pure 40% worx.. cauz joel offered mi as he kept taking pure ones.. hahax..

cycled together with joel along the beach and drinking as well.. hahax.. got a bit tipsy.. but not drunk.. cauz i am totally conscious of myself and i noe wat i am doing.. hahax.. for a first time its consider quite good le ba.. lol.. budden i think joel had a bit too much liao le.. got drunk.. he felt realli uncomfortable for the night and we all took turns to take care of him.. but he was fine by daybreak..

the liquor we drank.. lol..

in the morning wei da went back first cauz he had skl and the rest of us rotted and stayed till 10 plus to check out.. i and joel went back to the beach again and saw it was low tide.. can see so many things we cannot see during high tide.. nature is juz so amazing.. lol.. we all had breakfast at mac and then took the train back home.. its a long journey again.. everybody slept.. lol..

its was a fun chalet for mi.. could catch up with all my frends i had not seen for so long liao le.. hahax.. had alot of fun.. and could realli forget bout the worries i have for the past few days while playing.. hahax.. its simply great.. and recover some things i had lost in the past.. hahax.. so happy.. it was a great chalet to mi.. lol.. think i will end here ba.. quite tired le.. have to register for uni later i think.. flying off!!! =)

off to chalet liao le.. hahax.. shall blog on it when i am back.. lol.. flying off!!! take care my frends!!! =)

haizZz.. was moody for the whole of last night and today.. thinking so so much about wat i have said.. and thinking so much about my personality.. i felt so so so bad.. i realli sux man.. i realli dunno how to face my frends already.. most importantly myself.. am i realli too rigid in my thinking??? am i so inflexible??? i think i realli am..

i hate it.. today i revert back to my old self again.. coping myself up at a corner to think bout stuffs.. realli trying hard to forget wat i did.. though i noe at the back of my mind escapism does not help in solving a problem.. and it realli doesn't help cauz i haven got a answer yet..

i am scared.. i am worried.. i am terrified.. i dun wanna lose an important part of my life anymore.. i realli hate it.. i realli dunno wat to do.. i dunno wat to say also.. thousands of apologies and saying a million times of sorry will nv help.. cauz wat is done is done.. damage is done.. and the scar will forever be there..

wat i can do i have done.. wat i can try to explain i had attempted.. i can onli leave it to fate to decide liao le.. wat will happen is already destined.. i believe in destiny.. but i do hope destiny is kind to mi this time round.. and i hope everything will be fine soon.. think i will end here ba.. going off to chalet tml and the day after.. hahax.. with my sec skl frend.. so looking forward to this chalet.. hahax.. think it will be great fun.. flying off!!!

现实是残酷的。但我相信人是能改变自己的命运的。

承诺与友情要是只能拥有其中之一，你会选择哪一个？

oh great.. i did something so wrong today.. in fact is said something so wrong today.. omg.. i realli broke my frend's heart.. becos of a promise i made i forgot to acknowledge the frendship between my frends.. i sux totally.. how could i have made such harsh remarks??? out of vexation and frustration??? i dun think thats a good reason also.. omg.. hate it..

i actually told my frend somehow to mind his own business and dun meddle with others' problems.. i broke his heart utterly.. i noe i did.. and its too late liao le.. wat is said has been said.. and i can nv take back wat i have said.. i am that insensitive bastard once again.. it has been a long long time ever since i had said something so hurtful and wrong liao le.. this has been wat i have been avoiding for such a long time.. and yet it happened once again..

i sux totally.. my frend seem to have taken it in his stride and he kept assuring mi he was fine.. but i noe he isn't.. from wat he said before we left home i noe he wasn't.. he said he felt he dun have a place in the group of us since some time back.. and i noe wat i said today sent him down to the bottom of the pit..

hey buddy.. if u happened to see this, though u said u dun wanna read, i wanna apologise once again.. i noe no matter how many times i apologise, it will nv remove this scar i created.. but one thing i wan u to noe is that u may feel that u do not have a place amongst us.. but u definitely have a place in my heart.. u are a frend to mi.. alwaes.. no matter whether u recognise mi as ur frend anot, u will alwaes be my frend in my heart.. cauz u have already made an impact in my life..

to say its realli not ur fault for feeling left out.. its our fault instead for not caring about how u feel.. and i made this mistake today.. i din care about ur feelings.. its my bad.. i'm realli sorry.. hope u forgive mi.. i noe i am irritating cauz i realli dun wanna lose another frend ever anymore.. i have lost too many already.. and i realli dun wan the same thing to happen again.. cause u are realli an important frend to mi.. from the bottom of my heart..

i dunno leh.. i realli hope i can solve this misunderstanding soon ba.. i dun wan wat happened in the past to happen ever again.. i realli dun wanna have regrets anymore.. hopefully a miracle will happen....

i'm sad.. i'm disappointed.. i dunno wat to say.. wonder whether wat i did was right anot.. haizZz.. once again locking myself in a chamber of thoughts.. think gonna get insommia again tonight.. =(

woots.. monday after work went sakae buffet with linda.. hahax.. ate yakitori which made mi vomit in the toilet.. zZz.. so better not eat yakitori again in future.. lol.. today also went out.. hahax.. with linda again.. lol.. cauz we all today no work so decided to go out window shopping.. hahax.. cauz at home also nothing better to do..

meet linda at ard 2.30 liddat at yishun mrt.. then go marina square walk walk.. lol.. to look for her passport holder to be specific.. lol.. hahax.. went down especially to the mini toons there to get the passport holder cauz onli its the onli outlet in singapore which still has stock.. hahax.. she bought the passport holder and we carried on window shopping..

had lunch at food court this time cauz going budget cauz the both of us haven been working much this month and its ought to be time to save and scrimp a bit liao.. hahax.. chatted for quite a long time at the food court while waiting for ben ben and shi hua to join us.. hahax.. realised we both have many things in common.. hahax.. in the end she become my "gan jie" liao le.. lol.. very long nv chat for so long le.. hahax..

after that ben ben and shi hua joined us.. carried on with window shopping and ben ben bought one shirt.. hahax.. after that shi hua went for dance class so mi linda and ben ben went for dinner.. shi hua joined us after her dance class but i and linda left home first cauz both of us not feeling very well.. she had a flu and i had sore throat.. must be that yakitori.. lol.. hahax.. so took the train home and rotted and chatted on the phone with my senior.. lol..

tml going work.. hahax.. not going ice skate liao le.. cauz mel mel wanna go.. then 9 ppl le.. so decided not to go.. cauz not feeling very well also.. knee aching and shoulder aching.. cannot afford a fall liao le.. lol.. so decided to go work.. can earn money also.. wahahax.. too little schedule this month liao le.. hahax.. think i will stop here ba.. going sleep liao.. not feeling very well.. flying off!!!

back to blogging liao le.. it has been quite a week.. tiring yet fun week.. went out with colleagues and stuffs.. enjoyed my week very much.. budden as much as i enjoyed myself, had been moodly at home also.. dun wish to stay at home everyday.. dunno leh.. very very bored at home.. all i can do is to go online and do nothing.. lol.. but more importantly cauz quarrelled with my mum.. haizZz.. hopefully things will be fine soon ba..

onli these few months i have started thinking about life.. seems like i gained enlightenment liddat.. hahax.. realised i have realli changed alot since my jc days.. realli believe that the exams period was a turning point of my life.. meeting my study mates changed mi alot i guess.. and i reckon that that working also made mi a more mature person.. and i'm happy with who i am right now.. nonetheless still striving hard to make myself a better person..

tendered my resignation liao le.. working till the end of march.. 28th will be my very very last day liao le.. its realli goodbye to sakae westmall liao le.. lots of emotions and thoughts thinking of leaving sakae.. lots of memories also.. more to the good ones.. realli think i will miss everyone over there in sakae.. realli forged lots of friendship over there..

army is coming so soon liao le.. a bit chuo shou bu ji.. so many things i have not done yet and so many things i haven accomplish.. so many things i wanna do.. organise outing for my own og, catch up with my study mates.. so many things i wanna do.. and so many questions that i have not answered myself.. arghhh.. army realli deprive ppl of precious time.. yucks..

think i will have to use my time wisely this few weeks liao le.. especially this week.. many things to be completed and done.. cannot afford to waste my time.. think gotta register for a dourse this week also.. if not no time liao le.. also have to sort out my thinking and try to answer myself to the many qns i have and also help my frends in their probs.. hopefully i can do it..

think i will end here ba.. looking forward to the week to come.. ice skating again i think.. lol.. and sure it will be fun.. hahax.. tml going back skl getting money for fac.. hahax.. then working tml.. flying off!!!

为何选择了放手，但在无人的夜里会感到心痛？？？

haizZz.. rather pissed yesterday.. nowhere to go to but choose to rant here.. so pardon mi from being realli exasperated here.. went back home yesterday wanting to find the $100 plus receipt i kept from the other time to be a vip member for sakae.. but didn't manage to find it.. so went to ask my mum if she had seen my receipt anot..

was rather impatient and a bit impolite i admit.. cauz its $100 plus dollars worx.. had a hard hard time keeping receipts.. budden my mum started yelling at mi and accusing mi that i am blaming her she lost my receipt.. i realli dunno why.. i tried to control myself but i can't.. started losing my temper liao le..

after that had a bad fall in the kitchen cauz the floor was too slippery.. stomach crashed into the basin and had a hard knock on my injured shoulder.. sianzZz.. now my shoulder is realli like breaking apart.. i realli dunno why.. my mum start accusing mi that i was falling on purpose and yelled so loudly almost the whole HDB flat can hear her.. zZz.. then my dad was waken up and started scolding mi..

i realli dunno why.. my parents nv try to understand things and start scolding and shouting.. they can nv tok nicely to mi.. hate that.. they nv get the facts right and they will condemn u like nobody's business.. realli hate this.. i realli wonder when they can ever tok nicely to mi and i would do the same.. haizZz.. hate it..

nonetheless yesterday was a great day for mi.. the unhappy stuffs happened onli at home.. went out with ben, anna and anna's younger brother.. hahax.. went ice skating at je.. lol.. it was my first time ice skating.. very very NOOB.. hahax.. struggled learning how to balance and how to skate.. budden in the end managed to learn how to skate le.. hahax.. from a few hard falls and knocks.. hahax.. very funny de i keep falling.. hahax..

took neoprints after ice skating.. very fun also.. hahax.. weird weird de poses and funny funny de gestures.. lol.. had a great time taking neoprints also.. hahax.. very very interesting.. upload the neoprints we took yesterday.. hahax..




















act cute de.. hahax..




















sushi!!!!




















ghostly~~~~~

hahax.. after ice skating went causeway point for sakae buffet.. hahax.. cauz anna de little brother nv eat buffet before.. very fun de chattin and dining over there.. saw sandberg also.. hahax.. very fun.. ate quite alot yesterday cauz very very hungry.. ben kept entertaining us with his jokes and fun gestures.. enjoyed myself at dnner very much..

it was alwaes fun going out with my colleagues.. hahax.. think i will very much miss the times i spent with them when i quit at the end of this month and preparing myself to go NS liao le.. hopefully will keep in contact with them and come out play after i left.. hahax.. think will end here ba.. gotta work later also.. budden shoulder uber pain dunno how to work also.. think hang on ba.. flying off!!! =)

today went out early in the morning.. went out with joel and my sec skl frend chak yong.. hahax.. we all decided to catch a movie today.. so met at lot 1 and then after that decided to go town to catch a movie..

decided to catch the movie Letters from Iwo Jima.. its a war movie narrating the japanese perspective towards world war 2.. it was a nice movie.. very touching in fact.. the soldiers from both america and japan had to leave their family for war.. actually i realli feel that war is realli cruel.. causes so much misery and sorrow to the ppl..

however one phrase that realli touched mi and took mi alot is that a mother of an american soldier said that: "Do what is right because u think that it is right." realli something for ppl to ponder about.. many a times ppl dun noe whether the things they do is right or wrong.. and ppl will regret for doing something wrong..

but this phrase realli teaches ppl a lot.. we should not be regretting on whether wat we did is right or wrong.. instead, we should realli do things because we feel that it is right.. its realli the choice that matters.. in life, there is realli no right or wrong choices.. its realli dependant on overselves.. if we feel that wat we did is right and carry on our convictions, there will not be a wrong choice and regrets in the future.. i dunno.. this is my point of view and ppl may not agree with mi.. again its up to choice again.. lol..

this was the catch of the day during the movie.. caused mi to ponder quite a lot after the movie.. think realli din waste the money watching the movie today cause realli learnt something.. after the movie went walk walk with joel ard town.. chak yong din join us cauz he had something else on.. then went back to lot 1 to fetch his bike and walk to the canal we used to hang out during sec skl.. hahax.. its a nice experience and great to go back to the place i had lots of memories about sec skl days..

currently have lots of things on my mind once again.. got alot of things i realli wanna do.. cauz i think i dun have much time left till NS le.. and there are so many things i realli wanna do.. budden when i realli start to think of wat i wanna do now, my mind goes blank.. haizZz.. realli dunno wat i wanna do sia.. gonna plan it later.. hahax.. think i will stop here ba.. tml think going play bball.. flying off!!!

zZzZz...

my one week of break is over le.. gonna start work soon.. budden noe wat??? my manager gave mi another 3 days of consecutive off days from monday to wednesday.. meaning that i had 10 days of break in a row.. sianzZz.. dunno how to tune back to the working mood liao le.. zZzZz..

haizZz.. this painful week has finally ended.. starting afresh from tml onwards.. looking forward to the new goals i have in life and moving with life.. managed to face the failures and accepted the reality liao le.. time to realli move on to the next stage of my life..

guess its realli time to learn to take a step at a time and not be too hasty in doing things.. have to be calm and composed when facing difficulties and failures.. this week i realised many many stuffs.. ppl cannot hog and complain bout failures and refused to do something to improve the situation.. there is no point grumbling and blaming ourself, regretting watever we did in the past.. wat is done is done.. nothing can be changed.. i learnt that ppl must learn to face the reality and to try to solve the problems we have in our hands.. it will realli make ppl feel better in times of despair and agony..

hopefully i can realli plan my future well and not regret my choice in the future.. i already have many regrets and i dun wan my future to be in my list of regrets again.. the reality is cruel.. and many a times reality really causes lots of pain and sorrow to us.. however time can realli heal the wounds that reality has created.. but a scar will alwaes be there.. nonetheless we still have to face life with courage and hope..

hahax.. getting more and more naggy le.. think will end here ba.. another food for thought of the day.. thought of it on my way home today.. 暴风雨后是否就能真的看到晴朗的天空??? leave u ppl reading this post to think about it.. hahax.. realli like ah peh liddat.. hahax.. flying off!!!

haven been blogging for quite a few days liao le.. cauz have been doing quite alot of things this week.. think a quick update ba.. monday went out with bin hao to discuss about A levels results.. also had suki buffet that day.. lol..

tuesday went swimming with joel and then had suki again.. ala carte this time.. sianzZz.. the ala carte food sux.. then wednesday rotted at home and did practically nothing.. long long time nv rot at home liao le.. and rotting means i will think about alot of stuffs and get myself troubled for nothing.. especially when results sux..

thursday was a good day.. finally went to skl and meet up with my teacher miss goh to tok to her wat i can do with my extremely lousy results.. also toked with mr mak and some other teachers regarding my results.. got to hear that i got chance to go NIE to take a diploma course so in future gonna ba teacher.. and also heard about some of the other options my teachers offered.. its a realli good thing i decided to consult my teachers cauz they offer great advices and i got a clearer picture of wat i can do..

then after meeting my teacher went out with my colleagues.. went town jalan jalan and had sakae buffet at heeren.. lol.. quite fun.. good thing to go out with my colleagues also.. can chill out and stop thinking bout my results and stuffs.. enjoyed myself quite a lot also.. hopefully next week can go out with them again..

then friday went play basketball in the morning with wei xia, zhen lin, vincent and hock yong.. very fun.. lol.. cauz long time nv exercise le.. play 5 hrs of bball.. tired like hell budden the feeling is exhilarating.. lol.. had lunch with them then went skl to see orientation.. actually wanted to join wet games budden frend wasn't there so din join.. chatted with my juniors instead..

then was JJ nite in the evening.. met up with rasyid sharon and some of the other ogls and this yr's facs for jj nite.. it was fun.. not realli becos the whole thing was realli fun, budden was the fun i had with my frends who came for jj nite.. high like hell during times like mass dance.. lol.. simply love the company of the ogls and facs from my batch and senior batch.. hahax..

today went NTU open house with joel.. the open house was fine.. got more information that i needed.. toking to the students over there gave mi a better idea wat i should do.. hahax.. realli thankful i went to the open house today.. it was ard when we were leaving that we met the rest of the 4/8 peeps.. then went off together to lot 1 for dinner at pizza hut..

quite many ppl came.. 19 in fact.. the dinner was alright.. juz that din get to tok to most of them cauz i joel and wei da were sitting in another table.. but it was nice toking to the both of them and chatting bout work studies and stuffs.. nice to see most of them today also.. hahax.. also got to noe there is a chalet this coming 25 march.. so looking forward to it.. hahax.. hope it will be fun..

think this is all i did for this week.. very long update instead of the quick update i said.. lol.. think did too much things liao le.. hahax.. this week was a realli tough week for mi..results and so many stuffs.. mind realli on the verge of blowing up liao le.. but luckily alwaes going out and chill out with frends and the support of my buddies is alwaes there.. helped mi get thru this painful week of reality and truth.. hahax.. hopefully can start next week afresh..

think tml going NUS open house with joel.. though cannot get in but accompany him cauz he accompanied mi the whole of today in the NTU open house.. thanks bro.. think i will stop here ba.. flying off!!!

当彩虹失去了颜色，生命还会如此的灿烂美丽吗？

haizZzZz..

dunno wat to do liao le.. haizZz.. gotten my results for As.. for those who are interested to noe, i got straight D and B3 for gp.. hopefully it answered many de qns.. din feel like replying to messages ppl sent mi.. dunno how to reply also.. mood so down le still expect to tell others "oh i got a straight D for As and B3 for gp" meh??? haiya..

din feel like blogging these few days after getting results.. too tramautised liao le.. devastated in fact.. before getting results i already planned a few routes i can take.. but after getting results i realised i am too naive in my thinking liao le.. i have been too optimistic liao le.. thought i can realli face the music..

budden i still took time and think of realli wat i should do.. have been calling my seniors and also some of my closer frends to seek for advice and help.. this thursday going skl seek teacher de opinion also.. there are still many routes out there.. hopefully i can make a decision real soon.. and can crawl out of this dire state i am in now..

these few days i realised i realli cannot face the truth.. the reality.. been numbing myself with games and stuffs.. go out with frends and go swimming all those stuffs.. hoping to escape from reality.. i reali wish i had nv been thru all these.. i had been too optimistic liao le.. but when disaster realli strikes, i am realli helpless.. and i dunno wat to do.. i am realli lost in my own dimension, lost in my thoughts and lost in time..

realli hate this feeling.. but at least i got my answers.. at least i will not be carrying a false hope and wish that everything will turn out right.. a least i will not be trapped in a whirlpool of uncertainties.. being sucked in and dun have the chance to ever get out.. reality is cruel but its a way for one to become stronger.. reality is painful but it also gives one a chance to move on in life.. and i think its time i realli learn to face the monster of reality..

learning to let go and learning to move on is a difficult and painful journey.. but i am sure i will overcome it.. results is nv everything.. failure is nv a big thing.. its the journey and the lessons that are important.. learn from mistakes and correct them.. thats the key..

hopefully i can crawl out of the bottom of the pit soon.. hopefully i can overcome all the unhappiness and sadness in mi.. i am sure i can.. so to all my frends dun have to worry about mi.. i wun do anything stupid cauz there are much more important things in life for mi.. think i will stop here ba.. leaving this phrase for u guys reading this post to ponder about.. 到底逃避现实痛苦还是面对现实痛苦??? signing off...

everything is over.. goodbye to uni.. life suxs.. i knew it.. miracles nv existed.. its juz an illusion, a hope to numb oneself.. now i noe.. hope is juz a hope.. it can never be reality.....

woots.. tml is the moment of truth liao.. the day has finally arrived.. the day i had not been looking forward to.. the day which my fate will be determined.. omg.. i'm so freakingly not prepared la.. zZzZz.. haizZz.. but guess its time to face the truth liao le.. and time to think of wat to do liao le..

having this yucky feeling that i will realli do very very badly.. though many best wished from my frends and colleagues, i think i still wun make it.. think will do realli realli badly.. haizZz.. feeling so bad right now..

yesterday night was the first time i nv had insommia in my life.. couldn't sleep.. was actually planning outing de.. cauz today one of our colleague going overseas and we were intending to song her.. in the end onli mi and mel went.. hahax.. also actually intended to cycle at east coast de.. budden raining.. so cancelled again..

yesterday night could not sleep totally.. chatted with my junior till 4 plus.. then onli managed to turn in ard 4.30.. dunno why.. keep thinking about things and worrying bout things.. budden at least i sorted out some thoughts liao le.. and realised some stuffs liao le.. think i had been having too much hopes bout some stuffs liao le.. budden i finally decided to give up le.. it has been too antagonising for mi.. think should juz stop thinking.. i will nv figure out an answer myself..

luckily today went out with mel.. if not i would have been hu si luan xiang-ing at home today.. went sent our colleague linda off liao then took 858 to causeway watch protege.. a nice movie.. meaningful also.. lol.. hahax.. chatted quite alot with melvin and reggie today also.. it was fun today outside.. at least i stop thinking during the time i was out.. zZzZz...

think i wun be able to sleep tonight also ba.. thinking will hu si luan xiang again for the whole night.. haizZz.. again still got many things on my mind.. yucks.. dunno wat to do!!! sianzZz.. i think i will stop here ba.. no mood to carry on le.. flying off....

zZz.. today mood down to the fullest liao le.. haizZz.. heard from the news that A levels de results coming out this friday.. my heart sunk to the bottom.. its the moment of truth.. the release of results.. and the determination of my fate for the few yrs to come.. haizZz.. and i realli have not been looking forward to the arrival of this day..

realli stressed up liao le.. haizZz.. was juz complaining yesterday that i have so many things on my mind.. and oh wells, another burden is added on my shoulder.. thats my A level results.. sianzZz.. yucks.. haizZz.. worried till dunno wat to say liao le.. budden guess i have to face the truth ba.. i roughly noe where i am.. and i am realli not having much hopes for As de results.. dunno ba.. guess have to be realistic and think of wat i can do if i realli fail for A levels..

dunno leh.. i have been realli trying hard to stop thinking bout stuffs liao le.. and try to calm myself down.. think my frends realise i have been moodly recently.. no longer the one who can joke and have fun liao le.. and i cannot help it.. cauz there are simply so many things that are worrying mi.. and i am so helpless.. and i realli dunno wat to do.. haizZz..

there are many things i guess i should try to learn to let go and to learn to forget.. but i do not want to give up hope.. and i am not someone who will give up easily.. budden many a times life is cruel.. haizZz.. realli still hoping for a miracle to happen for my A level results and miracles to happen for the things i wanna achieve.. haizZz.. but it seems so hard to happen.. haizZz.. dunno la..

think should be getting a resignation form tml liao le ba.. think if results realli cannot make it i wun have the mood to carrying on working also.. sianzZz.. realli quitting soon le ba.. think i will stop here ba.. stop toking bout sad stuffs liao.. hahax.. have a feeling i am becoming a pessimistic person.. wahahax.. flying off..

do miracles exist?

today suddenly very down in mood.. resting in the afternoon then off to work again in the evening.. the start of the day was still fine.. same hectic day and tiring.. clearing tables and taking orders and serving customers.. got very used to it liao le.. budden dunno why.. when doing side job that time mood suddenly went way down..

got realli affected by wat one of my colleague told mi.. he was feeling angry and upset also.. so went to ask him whether he was alright.. was concerned cauz he wasn't feeling so good.. budden he said something which hurt mi alot.. he said i shouldn't pity him.. i realli dunno wat to say.. i was onli concerned and worried for him as a colleague and as a frend.. budden i realli din understand why he had to say such stuffs.. that i was juz taking pity on him..

i can prefectly understand his feelings.. being picked on no matter right or wrong.. and there are so many unreasonable requests all the time.. i can totally understand his feelings.. and i feel exasperated towards all those stuffs as well.. but wat i cannot comprehend is the fact that why he had to feel i was pitying him??? was asking whether he was alright means i am taking pity on him??? i realli dunno.. but i guess he is feeling equally bad too.. and i am not taking it to heart.. cauz i noe he din say it on purpose but out of anger and exasperation..

there are so many things going thru my mind right now.. and i cannot figure out a way to sort of my thoughts.. everything is running wild in my head right now.. and i dunno wat to do about it.. this feeling realli sux.. there are so many things i cannot fathom and there are so many things i am worried about.. and there are so many problems that i cannot solve.. and i cannot help my frends also.. i am realli helpless..

i realli dunno wat to do liao le.. it was fun working in the past.. now suddenly everyone is so unhappy with work.. everyone is like so pissed and angry with work.. mi too.. i realli got the urge to take a resignation form juz now.. cauz my first opinion bout work is that i have to be happy working there.. but i am not.. budden i am sill hanging on.. for my colleagues.. for the relationship i have with them.. and i noe its worth it.. budden i realli question my abilities to hold on..

i realli hope my mind wun go bersek soon.. apparently recently i am doing nothing else but grumble all the time.. budden think i onli have this place to vent on ba.. cauz apparently i dun like to show it in front of my frends and colleagues.. the things i am worried bout is juz spiraling upwards non stop.. realli hope i will sort out my thinking soon ba.. if not i will become a unhappy person like in the past again.. and i dun wan it to happen ever in my life again..

think i will stop here ba.. tml finally have a day off.. gonna take a break and hope can chill out with frends.. and stop thinking for a day.. but think i cannot ba.. wahahax.. difficult to stop thinking bout things.. gtg le.. flying off...

stuck in a pit of quicksand.. so difficult to crawl out of it.. hoping for a miracle..

quite a week.. hahax.. finally back to blogging liao le.. hahax.. it was chinese new yr week last week.. onli work on the eve and then break for 2 days for the 1st day and 2nd day of new yr.. worked on tuesday, had off on wednesday then thursday worked full day..

it was quite a week.. full of ups and downs.. very tiring also.. hahax.. cny was as usual.. went visit relatives and then catch up with relatives.. budden for mi cny will nv be the same as in the past.. whenever there is such an important festival, one is bound to miss his or her loved ones who are no longer ard.. i do too.. thats why i can nv enjoy cny as much as the past anymore.. and the mood is juz not there..

have been thinking about lots of stuffs recently until i think too much sometimes.. sometimes i think i realli paranoid about stuffs.. there are juz too many things bothering mi liao le.. and i cannot help but worry and worry.. but there is nothing i can do about all of them.. my results is coming out soon.. my fate will be determined.. but the release of results is simply delayed and delayed.. zZz.. i'm worried.. freaking worried.. but i juz can't do anything about it.. haizZz..

wednesday was a better day for this week.. went out chill out with colleagues.. actually wanted to catch norbit at a earlier time.. long time no catch movie liao.. budden in the end cannot get tixs for the show.. so din watch.. had sakae buffet with reggie, melvin, jing shi and shi hua at frontier there de sakae.. after that melvin and jing shi left earlier cauz they had to work.. so reggie, shi hua and i decided to watch the show at 7pm..

the show was interesting.. hahax.. funny in fact.. very very funny.. the comedy cheered mi up alot and pulled mi away from the worries and the stuffs bothering mi.. hahax.. at least i was happy for the 2 hrs of show.. hahax..

today was a draining day.. work for 10.5 hrs.. wow.. scary.. till a point i almost felt the fatigue running thru every single vein in my body.. hahax.. especially my ankle and knee.. starting to feel the bad bad strain liao.. cauz last time had quite a bit of injuries from the sports i play.. budden in the end managed to pull thru today.. hahax.. after work went supper with reggie and ben then now resting at home finally.. one good thing for today is that i can finally bill already.. long awaited.. wahahax..

i realli starting to feel this job is getting mundane liao le.. actually quite tired liao le.. but i am still hanging on.. hope i can till the end of march.. then go NS liao le.. hahax.. budden NS will mean i will lose many things.. haizZz.. dun wanna think bout it ba.. haizZz.. already got enough qns i have for myself liao le.. dun wan another burden riding over mi.. think i might juz suffocate myself.. zZz..

i guess i will stop here ba.. not much things to blog liao le.. even if i do onli unhappy stuffs i think.. and there is juz so many many things i cannot express myself here.. dunno how to say also.. juz that weird feeling going thru the mind and heart.. haizZz.. gtg le.. flying off..

i'm trapped in a pool of uncertainties..

zZz.. today off day.. finally.. after 2 long days of tiring work.. can realli feel the fatigue running thru mi liao le.. back is aching and knee is also aching.. all those old injuries i had are coming back to mi liao le.. and i can realli feel the exhaustion liao le..

i realli start to think whether it was realli a right choice to join service in the first place.. dunno why.. izzit a big prob when i cannot bill?? does it mean i am useless when i cannot bill??? i was willing to take over my colleague job on valentines.. a off day for mi to rest and recharge.. but all i get is some shyt saying that my colleague shouldn't get someone to bill to come to work.. realli gotten very very pissed..

i start to hate the management in westmall already.. they are a bunch of big idiots.. nv care about staffs de feelings de.. when they need u they will call and ask u nicely whether u can help them work anot.. then when u are not needed u are a useless person.. shyt.. wat stupid logic is that??? narrow minded and stupid think i say.. management is bound to fail if the higher ups fail to treat staffs equally.. and i truly feel the management in my restaurant have failed in this sense.. arghhh..

i so feel like quitting.. i so feel like giving up liao le.. realli sick and tired of getting scolded.. yesterday cauz they din put enough staff to work and it was so damn freakingly busy.. kanna scolded by the new manager saying she damn messed up and centre very very busy.. shyt la.. like my fault liddat.. its their own prob when they decide to put onli 2 staffs for centre when the mininum needed is 3.. ya.. its all my fault.. and they got nothing to do with it.. idiots..

i am still hanging on recently cauz of some of my colleagues there.. but i realli cannot tahan the humiliation i get there.. i dun wanna get scolded all the time as if everything is the newcomer fault which is my fault.. i dun deserve all this i think.. and i think the rest who are going thru this also feel the same.. i realli dun feel respected working there.. arghhhh.. gonna quit soon i think..

sianzZz la.. tml got to work again.. and it is LAST MINUTE again.. cauz apparently someone copied my schedule wrongly and placed a X at my time slot tml.. but i had to work.. and that someone is apparently the one who planned the schedule.. and din bother to change it.. got to noe this onli yesteday and they called to say i have to work tml.. zZz.. and if i reject it will be all my fault and my irresponsibility again.. wow.. amazing.. thats work at sakae man..

haiya sianzZz la.. keep grumbling this few days.. and grumbling is not a nice thing to do.. especially before CNY.. its suxs.. haiya.. budden felt better liao le after ranting all my unhappiness out.. hahax.. i will end here ba.. if not start ranting again.. gtg.. going off..

when can i get the answers i want??????

sianzZz.. think my blog got porblems sia.. the last post i posted cannot be shown on my blog.. zZz.. and it was a long long long post.. sianzZz.. blogger weird weird de.. zZz.. nvm then.. forget bout it.. sianzZz..

today's valentines day.. hahax.. here wishing all couples in the world a very happy valentine and all my frends who had found their other half a great great day.. hahax..

as for mi, it will be a busy valentine i guess.. hahax.. got a great date coming up.. and the date is sakae sushi westmall.. hahax.. taking over my colleague's job today cauz she had something urgent on.. oh wells.. hahax.. go work better.. can earn money.. better then doing nothing at home.. wahahax..

i guess thats all for today ba.. gonna do spring cleaning for my room today.. very very messy.. have to clean up today.. hahax.. too busy lately to clean up my room.. wahahax.. think i will stop here ba.. gtg.. flying off..

erm.. guess its a realli realli long time ever since i have updated liao le.. guess should realli try to keep my blog alive ba.. hahax.. lately have been very busy with work and also busy playing games.. so din realli update my blog.. wahahax.. and lately very broke also cauz have been spending all the time.. so a rough update of wat i did last week..

last tuesday went steamboat with my colleagues they all at bugis there de steamboat place.. had ma la huo guo.. hahax.. that day hock yong, xiao yun, zhen lin, wei xia, kwang yee, anna, yih pei and mi went for the steamboat.. hahax.. din realli like the food there.. cauz wasn't very good.. budden in the end still had 3 servings og the buffet.. hahax.. the company was fun and it was a fun dinner.. hahax.. enjoyed myself alot..

some pictures i took that day..





















before..





















after.. hahax..

then wednesday actually very hectic.. actually needed my colleague to stand in for my work de.. cauz had revelations in skl and i thought that it will take a long long time and i needed someone to take over my job.. cauz had lunch with my colleagues also.. budden its happens that in the end i did not need my colleague to stand in for mi.. and i had a nice time on wednesday..
in the morning met some of my fellow facilitators sharon and syafiq to go in skl together.. i and syafiq arrived earlier so decided to go in skl earlier while waiting for sharon.. hahax.. walked ard the skl doing nothing practically until the event started at 10.30 liddat.. hahax.. the j1s gathered in their ogs probably for the very last time.. i went to find my og also.. hahax.. reached the hall and finally saw some familiar faces.. peeps from og 20.. hahax.. its realli very nice to see them again after so long.. hahax.. din go to their past few outings cauz of the hectic work schedule.. hahax..

the ogls had their march in as usual.. its exactly like the one i did have when i was an ogl.. wahahax.. nothing changed.. oh wells.. wat can i say.. wahahax.. then started to say the usual stuffs to try to make the j1s sad and tentatively to make them cry after that.. wahahax.. budden i guess they din realli succeed.. hahax.. cauz the atmosphere wasn't realli set right and ppl were damn high.. and i realised its realli difficult to get my og to be sad also.. so i guess i juz joked and had fun ard.. hahax.. ogls presented their gifts for the og and i think the campers did appreciate wat their ogls did for them.. wahahax.. every one of the present was very unique.. hahax.. left ard 12 plus cauz had lunch with my colleagues..






















og 20 group photo.. hahax..

went off quite early cauz i din wanna be late for the lunch.. in the end the rest of them very very late.. zZz.. should have left later.. could have had more fun.. nvm la.. i had fun at lunch with my colleagues wei xia, zhen lin, melvin and reggie at lot 1 sakae.. hahax.. yup jap food again.. hahax.. after that went to play pool.. hahax.. budden had to leave earlier cauz got work on.. zZz.. hahax..
budden glad to be able to see wei xia and zhen lin cauz long time nv met them liao le.. hahax..

friday was also a good day.. went lot 1 ard noon to meet yih pei, xiao yun, linda and xue pan for lunch.. hahax.. xiao yun and yih pei reached lot 1 first and then they went in suki sushi for buffet first.. yah.. SUKI BUFFET.. its jap food again.. hahax.. dunno why.. ppl who work in jap restaurant love jap food.. wahahax.. xiao yun and yih pei finished quite alot liao le before i even came.. wahahax.. cauz yih pei ard mah.. wahahax.. jkjk.. linda came not long after i reached.. after that sandberg also came to join us for the buffet.. hahax.. had a nice time dining and chatting with them especially when they are very fun loving ppl.. hahax.. yih pei and xiao yun went off first cauz they had to work at 3.. wahahax.. so mi, linda and sandberg continued eating until xue pan came.. hahax.. ate until 4 plus and i went off with linda cauz we had to work.. it was an enjoyable day.. hahax..

yesterday i finally got some time to go find my new yr clothers liao le.. hahax.. met my bro joel in the afternoon to go raffles area there to go new balance concept shop to buy clothes.. had 40% off cauz my frend is working there.. hahax.. got a polo t-shirt which was at a very very good price.. hahax.. walked ard raffles and also suntec with joel looking here and there for clothes and stuffs.. also looked at katanas he was interested in.. hahax.. after that went bugis street to look for clothes again.. hahax.. got a t-shirt with quite a nice design at onli $8.. hahax.. quite worth it.. after that then went to work liao le.. hahax..

the rest of the days i should be working onli.. and work means nothing but grumbles and sianzZz-ation.. wahahax,, so shall not update bout the boring stuffs.. i guess thats wat i have been doing for the past week ba.. quite tired liao le.. got alot of things on my mind i am thinking right now.. alot of things which are troubling mi.. especially my A levels results.. and some thing else on my mind also.. think my mind is going bersek real soon liao le.. thinking so much recently..

i realli hate this feeling.. i need to have the courage to face things.. and the courage to face failure.. zZz.. i dunno leh.. i realli dunno wat to do if i fail badly for my exams and in the things in my life.. i realli dunno.. many a times ppl say we have to be strong and face the reality with will.. but i feel that its realli difficult to do it.. in fact its realli impossible to do it.. cauz ppl will definitely be discouraged by failure and i think it is nv easy to face failure with ease.. this feeling realli sux.. and i realli dunno wat to do.. realli vexed.. i need answers realli.. but when can i ever get it??? when will i ever pick up my courage to do it??? i realli dunno........

haizZz.. work is going to be so sianzZz liao.. went back to sakae westmall becos i realli love the working environment there.. everyone of my colleagues is very fun and nice to work with.. i guess we are realli a bonded team of service crew and we have the best teamwork i guess..

budden yesterday 2 of my colleagues received an unwelcomed request.. they were requested to be transferred to the lot 1 outlet.. actually to say is not request.. is they are asked to be transferred to lot 1 and there is nothing they can do about it.. they were not given clear reasons and explanations why they have to be transferred over to lot 1.. watever they asked the higher ups cannot give them a good answer..

my 2 colleagues were realli sad and exasperated at the same time.. i feel the same way too.. i realli wonder why they have to be transferred to another for no particular reason.. everyone in sakae westmall are working well together and i believe good teamwork is crucial in providing good service.. i realli wonder why the company would wanna break up such a great team..

i understand the fact that transferring of staff is inevitable.. but as a established company, i feel it is onli right staff members get to noe the real reason why they are transferred.. but none of it is given.. and my colleagues have no say over this issue.. i feel this is so unfair.. they were not even asked whether they are willing to transfer anot.. the decision is so unfair to them and to the rest of us who are unwilling for them to go..

i am realli fed up with wat i am seeing in such a big company.. actually disappointed to say.. does authority means unfair treatment??? i realli cannot understand.. does it mean that we are part time service crew members we have no rights and have to be thrown ard like rubbish??? this is so unfair.. this might be a small issue budden it is a big failure of such an established enterprise..

haizZz.. feel so exasperated now.. budden i am still hanging on.. cauz there are ppl there i realli enjoy to work with still.. budden if my colleagues decide to quit and they will be transferring others over or me over, i think i will juz quit liao le.. haizZz.. this sux.. i guess i will stop here ba.. if not i will start swearing already.. so sianzZz......

today was a tiring yet very fun day.. hahax.. cauz last night slept at ard 3am in the morning cauz was doing laundry.. sianzZz.. then today woke up at ard 8.30 to go skl meet paterson to go skl walk walk.. hahax.. took 180 to skl and met paterson at 9.45 at skl bus stop there.. reached skl and paterson did some running while i was juz slacking ard doing nothing cauz i dun wanna go run cauz i actually wanted to play bball in the afternoon..

after his run, walk ard skl and go canteen have breakfast cum lunch.. hahax.. saw many of our juniors when we were there.. hahax.. gone broke liao cauz today bought 10 bucks love fiesta tixs from my junior xun kai.. hahax.. we rotted in skl till 1 plus until sharon came.. hahax.. rotted together and slacking together until amanda came ard 4 plus.. hahax.. tok cock in the gym also while waiting.. hahax..

mi and paterson agreed that it has been a long long time we had slacked and rotted liddat ever since we graduated and since we all started working.. hahax.. its a bit boring budden its yet fun.. hahax.. cauz can see many many familiar faces in skl.. wahahax.. we all also discussed a bit about going back to become fac for orientation 2 also..

after that paterson sharon and i decided to go boon lay frontier there eat SAKAE buffet again.. zZz.. sianzZz.. recently ate too much jap food le.. sick of it liao.. wahahax.. and today think the com got prob or double order.. so much gunkan served to us.. and its the first time i ate buffet till i vomitted.. zZz.. hahax.. budden it was still fun though cauz of the company.. wahahax.. also went jp walk walk then went home liao.. wahahax..

its realli very very nice to see the ppl i had not seen for quite some time.. and i realli appreciated the time i spent with them.. it might be onli a day, if not onli a few hours.. budden the fun is definitely memorable.. hahax.. especially when they are the bunch of ppl u had so much fun with during the whole 2 yrs of jc life.. hopefully i can still have chances to go out have fun with them again today..

one thing that made mi quite sad was that i was unable to host even a dinner well.. cauz today actually many of us in sakae off so can go have dinner together.. budden cauz i suddenly called for the dinner so some of them was unable to make it.. haizZz.. in the end had to cancel it.. pai sei worx cas, reggie, hock yong, amanda and shi hua worx.. trouble u guys liao.. haizZz..

i think i will stop here ba.. quite tired liao le.. have to go think wat to get for bdae present for 3 of our colleagues bdae.. was thinking of printing something for them.. wahahax.. hopefully can get the design and template ready soon ba so can get paterson to print for mi soon.. wahahax.. gtg liao.. flying off!!! =)

i'm such a failure.. zZzZzZzZz.....

friendship...

hahax.. now suddenly got the feeling to blog something chim.. wahahax.. something sophicated.. wahahax.. jokin onli.. budden lately many things struck mi alot.. a lot of thinking is going thru my mind.. one very important thing that has struck mi recently is about friendship..

saw a post on my colleague caseline's blog.. realised wat she said was very true.. many a times ppl take friendship for granted.. i do also.. actually, i did it all the time when i was in jc.. i took friendship for granted and realli din appreciate my classmates.. in the end i realli lost alot of friends becos of this..

now, i realli have a new perception towards friendship liao le.. in short, i believe there is onli one word to summarise so many things i wanna say.. friendship is realli up to CHOICE.. its realli the choice of one to whether he or she would like to maintain contact or not with his or her friends.. its up to choice whether one wants to treat his or her frends truthfully or putting on a facade..

my very junior once told mi this: " friendship is something juz like a kite.. we cannot hold onto it too tightly nor can we hold onto it too loosely.. it will either snap or juz drift away".. i think wat he said made a lot of sense to mi.. at that time when he was saying this to mi i was at the bottom of a deep valley.. my mood was down to the extreme.. but wat he said realli brought mi up from the bottom and give mi a lot of encouragement.. hahax..

to say, i have lost many precious friendships cauz of the person i am.. i'm a very hasty person and i am a very straight forward person.. i dun like to hide my feelings.. and wat i say often will offend ppl.. thats becos i had nv thought that others are also sensitive like myself.. thats why now i try to be as sensitive to others de feelings as much as possible.. even if i have to realli say something i dislike, i have to try to put it in a way others are able to accept.. hahax.. this is something i had learn thru the course of JC.. and thru the course of great hardships..

now, i am realli grateful to have many many frends still ard mi.. and i am glad to be able to noe more and more frends thru my work.. hahax.. mainly they are my colleagues.. they are realli a bunch of fun and interesting ppl to work with and i enjoy the times that i spent with them.. thats why i decided to join service after promoter in the first place.. i am realli glad to be able to relate with some of them and alwaes go out have fun and chill out when we got our day off.. wahahax.. hopefully we will still have chances to have fun together though some of them are leaving very soon..

i guess i will stop here ba.. think i might juz start crapping somewhere.. wahahax.. budden before i go i think i will end off with a quote my sec skl frend mentioned before.. "friends are like stars.. u can't see them all the time but u noe they are alwaes there.." wahahax.. leave here for ppl who sees this post to ponder about.. wahahax.. flying off!!! =)

yesterday rotted the whole morning and afternoon off.. lucky the night was better.. went to play badminton at bukit panjang.. long long time nv play badminton liao le.. a few months liao i guess.. as in got alwaes go play la.. very obviously my stamina and accuracy is much much lower liao le.. budden still managed to have a great workout.. wahahax..

yesterday met my cck badminton junior.. long long time no see already.. hahax.. played doubles with him for a few matches.. lost eventually cauz din have mo qi.. budden later started to play better.. hahax.. he is good.. much better compared to my batch of players.. hahax.. it was fun playing together after such a long long time.. i think i should realli go train up on badminton liao.. wahahax..

after badminton went to sakae for meeting.. the meeting was super long.. lots of complains bout our performance is noted by coco.. wah sia.. she damn powerful.. can take note of so many things.. budden some we dunno de.. wahahax..

budden one thing coco said struck mi alot.. and i think its very true.. customers pay GST.. not as in goods and service tax.. but customers are here to get our Greetings, Smiles and Thank you.. i realli believe its very true.. especially in the service sector.. i guess this is realli one important thing i learnt yesterday night.. hopefully i can provide good service though i am onli working for 2 months..

yesterday night reached home and used com for the night.. had a shower and wanted to go bed.. budden in the end din manage to sleep until half an hour later.. its has been happening for the past weeks liao le.. think i might be getting insomnia very very soon.. i think i have been thinking too much things liao le.. and too much stuffs is going thru my mind every single night.. arghhh.. this is pure agony.. i need answers! i need solutions.. but i dun think i can get them anytime soon ba.. sianzZz.....

i guess i wil stop here ba.. too bored to blog liao le.. later still have to go work.. sianzZz.. do back sia.. sure got lots and lots of problems de.. hopefully wun do anything wrong ba.. flying off.....

zZz.....

i can't believe i am sitting in front of the computer right now.. sianzZz.. i am rotting my day off.. and noe wat? its my OFF DAY!!! sianzZz.. actually doing nothing right now sia.. i should be playing and having fun outside de.. and this is the onli off day i have for this week.. arghhh..

some of my colleagues went out today.. they gonna have suki buffet.. din wanna go cauz not realli asked and also sick and tired of jap food liao.. so decided not to go and rot my whole morning at home.. online and surf net in the morning.. then watch tv in the afternoon.. super duper sianzZz.. haizZz..

onli juz now managed to step out of home.. went to get love fiesta tixs from my junior.. sianzZz.. 40 bucks worx.. broke liao le.. and balance left in my account getting lesser and lesser also.. zZz.. think last month de pay will definitely be used up very soon.. though is buy for my frend de la.. budden very broke still.. cauz haven collect alot of money yet.. like money for colleague's bdae present..

haizZz.. think i will still be rotting till night ba.. gotta go for a meeting at sakae later.. zZz.. sianzZz.. a meeting on my off day.. super duper sianzZz.. budden think should be doing some shopping for shorts later at westmall before going the meeting ba.. hahax.. super sianzZz..

its precisely i'm so free that i cannot do anything else but think of many many things.. mind going bersek soon.. super duper sianzZz.. so many uncertainties and worries.. they are overwhelming mi.. suffocating mi.. haizZz.. hate being so unoccupied.. i shall end here ba.. stop with my ramblings.. very tired.. dun wanna blog liao.. flying off!!!

tired.. very very tired.. have realli been beatened by work.. juz worked at night for 2 days and i can realli feel the fatigue going thru my body.. very drained.. yesterday was realli a horrendous day for mi.. almost went bersek liao le..

yesterday afternoon was still fine.. cauz decided to meet my bro joel and go buy stuffs de.. meet him and went down to causeway point.. budden din managed to get the shorts i wanted to buy.. sianzZz.. after that went seoul garden for lunch cum dinner.. "sponsered" him partly cauz got pay liao and i think its time i ought to give him a treat.. wahahax.. chatted alot with him during lunch and shared alot of my worries and stuffs with him.. felt realli better after that.. but is more of relieved cauz do not have to bottle everything up..

went off to work after lunch with joel.. thats when the horror realli started.. super sianzZz for the whole night.. did this wrong and did that wrong.. wrong order wrong table wrong everything.. zZz.. sianzZz diao.. realli pondering then why i joined service.. and that i had made a wrong choice.. kanna a bit by my supervisor budden she was still nice and din scold mi at all.. juz talk to mi nicely onli.. quite lucky lo.. onli managed to relax after work is over yesterday..

today was a much better day.. much much much better.. went out in the afternoon to meet my colleagues reggie and melvin to go nyp open house.. hahax.. decided to go with them cauz wanted to see whether can meet my sec skl frends there.. hahax.. the trip was quite fun and i think is quite useful for the both of them cauz they can get a more informed decision after they get their Os de results.. had quite a lot of fun playing ard there..

after that went play pool with the both of them at lot one.. played till ard 5.30 liddat then went off for work.. had quite alot of fun playing pool though i very off form again.. wahahax.. been playing pool so often lately also.. wahahax..

today's work was much better.. did front with xue pan.. more relaxed cauz front alwaes less ppl de.. and i getting more tuned to my work liao.. and less kan cheong and my colleague very very nice.. teach mi this and that.. she very patient also.. hahax.. simply enjoy working with her.. thats why today's performance and mood also much much better compared to yesterday.. hahax..

tml might be going out with my colleagues for lunch or dinner.. hahax.. also got meeting at night for work de.. zZz.. so difficult got break then tml still have to go back.. sianzZz.. nvm ba i guess.. cauz got money to take also for doing nothing.. wahahax.. gtg.. very tired already.. flying off!!!

started work today liao.. its much suckier than i had expected.. work sux man.. now realli start to ponder and think whether i had made a wrong choice to join service crew anot.. decided to become a service crew member cauz i realli liked the working environment in sakae westmall.. the ppl is fun there and the working atmosphere is good.. plus i would onli be working for 2 months thats why i rather work in a place i am familiar with..

work was realli tiring mi out even on the first day liao.. realli cannot tahan.. not physically but mentally.. realli cannot adapt to the change from a promoter to a service crew.. cauz last time being a promoter i practically do nothing.. wahahax.. budden now have to do EVERYTHING.. from orders to clear tables to this and to that.. though i noe most of the stuffs liao le.. but my mind juz cannot adapt to the change.. almost de zui customer today even.. haizZz..

realli dunno whether i have made the right choice mah.. i realli worried i might juz quit.. my mind is not that strong afterall.. i may seem happy go lucky at many times and occassions, budden there are many many many other worries that i am hiding from..

very first my results for As.. as i was toking to one of my colleague, As de results releasing very very soon liao le.. in a month's time i guess.. if i flunk my As it will onli mean 3 things.. one is i fail so badly that i have to repeat one yr and take As again this yr and it will mean i will waste a yr of my life.. second is that i cannot repeat cauz i have a full cert budden results not good enough for uni and i will be dangling there dunno wat to do.. third is that i choose another route and go poly again after my NS.. meaning i will waste 5 yrs of my life.. zZz..

my colleague said i have to be optomistic.. budden i think i have to be realistic.. i noe where i am and i cannot have high expectations.. even to pass for mi is difficult i think.. haizZz.. this feeling is realli antagonising sia.. this is giving mi lots of problems to worry about and then my worries for job started.. many things are going thru my mind especially some.. budden i realli dunno how to say.. i am worried my mind will break down soon.. arghhhh!!!!! realli hate this feeling of waiting for answers to the many many qns that is going thru my mind.. arghhhh!!!

one good thing bout work is that it can temporarily numb ur brain when u are busy.. i will not think bout anything much when i am occupied with work.. thats why i guess i will be be working and working ba.. budden at times when i am not working i will be flooded with worries and qns again.. haizZz..

after work today was some time i chilled out.. knocked off early today at 4 and my 2 other colleagues melvin and shi hua kinocked off at 5.. so i suggested we all go play pool.. and it will be my treat.. wahahax.. had quite some fun today budden not on form again worx.. haizZz.. played badly.. mood realli affects one at games.. budden it was still fun ba.. went home ard 9 plus and watch a bit of tv and now rotting in front of the computer.. zZz..

realli down liao i guess.. after so much fun for the past 2 weeks.. sianzZz.. think i will take a long long time to recover ba.. like last time.. i dunno how to make myself feel better budden i realli hope i wun let my bad mood affect my work and my frends and colleagues.. cannot show to them also.. have to continue to be the funny and lame zheng xiang.. zZz.. think i will stop here ba.. cannot carry on liao..