my life

today had physics early in the morning.. realise i din understand a single thing at all in the lesson.. mr mak gave us a qn to attempt.. but i realise i couldn't do a single bit sia.. then was maths lecture and had O.D.E de lecture test.. guess i screwed that test up again.. i could not understand wat the paper is toking about sia.. then come chemistry and i realise i was lost again.. then a ultra boring gp lesson ends my day in skl.. got back pw results also.. got band 2.. a bit disappointed though.. haiz..

i guess till now.. all these are signalling that my studies are in a mess and i am not putting in any bit of effort for all my subjects and studies.. and i have been continuously failing all my tests and such.. haiz.. guess it is all becos i realli lack the motivation to do it.. to realli study hard for my subjects.. all i do when i go home, is to watch tv.. then eat and then sleep.. i nv touch my books at all when i reach home.. then whenever in the morning, i will be frantically thinking wat to do cauz i did not complete my tutorials and hw.. then i will try to rush thru hw in skl and even do hw of some subjects in other subjects' lessons.. guess i am realli so screwed up ba..

deep inside mi, i noe that i realli wanna do well for my studies.. and i noe my parents also wan mi to do well for my studies too.. my dad was realli angry when i told him that i failed all my subjects in the progress report.. i guess beneath his anger, i think that he is also realli worried about my studies and also wan mi to do well.. but till now, i am still not putting in the effort to do it.. realli dun have the motivation to do it.. and i am realli frustrated at myself for being unable to concentrate and do well.. haiz.. wat should i do???

today our chemistry teacher was angry and told our class that if we carried on with our methods of studying for O levels, we will definitely become goners.. and i think that wat she says is so true la.. i noe our teachers are trying their best to help us in our studies too.. but i am not capitalising on wat our teacher are doing for us.. and i take many things that my teachers do for granted.. and i guess thats why i am not improving.. and i nv even make an effort to ask when i am in doubt.. which i alwaes did in sec skl.. i realli dun noe wat is happening to mi ever since i got into jc.. haiz..

i have been easily affected by stuffs lately also.. especially when i am in j2.. i am realli very sensitive towards others' perception of mi.. and i think this thing is affecting mi very much.. like wat mr chai told mi.. he said he was very disappointed with mi becos i was not sensitive towards others' feelings but on the contrary i am so sensitive.. i realli dunno.. dunno wat happen to mi.. its not that i wan to be oversensitive or wat.. but i realli dunno wat happen to mi.. and i am equally disappointed with myself like mr chai was disappointed with mi.. realli dun noe wat to do liao..

i alwaes tell my frend who is facing many problems that he should learn to let go and studies is more important than anything right now.. i alwaes tell him that no studies equals not future.. but wat am i doing??? i am not working hard for my studies at all.. and i am so disappointed and angry with myself.. i noe how to counsel other ppl but i am not doing it myself.. i realli hate myself..

guess its realli high time for mi to let go of things le ba.. time to start afresh after the long weekends.. and i mean it.. have to realli buck up.. cannot afford to fail another test or exams le.. i dun wanna disappoint my teachers, my parents and ultimately myself.. i guess its time for mi to understand this fact le ba.. and work hard for the common test in june.. jia you ba..