my life

yesterday while going jp with bin hao and hao chun.. was discussing about grad night thingy.. about the tickets.. i was thinking about it.. i got the ticket.. but do i have a purpose there? haiz.. pondering over it.. dunno la.. see wat to do till then ba.. maybe have to sell the ticket also if i cannot get out from btmc then also.. haiz..

i guess i have forget about all these liao le.. studying gave mi less time to think about stupid stuffs and make my life more meaningful.. i think its realli a paradox.. hahax.. when i always grumble that studying suxs and stuff.. irony.. wahahax.. starting to feel the insignificance of myself le..

i dunno why.. whenever i am not occupied with studies or not thinking of studies, my mind will go haywire and think of stuffs that i ought to have forgotten and placed aside.. cauz all these had been bothering for months.. in fact a yr.. i dunno.. i juz can't let go.. and i regret.. i complain and everything juz starts all over again.. haiz.. such a vicious cycle i can nv jump out of.. i am not depressed, but i juz feel that something missing in my skl life.. i'm not deprived of it, but i can nv get it.. dunno la.. guess i am deceiving myself all these while..

this morning i was sms-ing my senior zi cheng as he wanted mi to plan a outing for our og cauz he wanted to meet up with us before he goes taiwan for training.. i decided to do it cauz i had it in mind also.. as i was planning, i looked thru my file and saw the contact lists in my file.. and i started to feel sad..

i was also thinking of planning outing for my first 3 months class.. budden i din want to in the end.. actually i dun have the guts now le.. i dunno wat i can do.. i have lost all my confidence in facing the ppl i treasure in the past and till now.. i realli dunno wat i can say to them.. and i have drifted apart from them.. i'm realli sad as i reminisce about the past where i still had the confidence to organise something for everyone to get together and have fun.. but i am worried i will do the wrong things now and offend everyone like i did these few months.. i guess i should juz forget about all these and get on with my life.. shouldn't be too optimistic anymore..

i guess its realli time i give up liao le.. cannot afford to be distracted once again.. have to start cheong for studies once again.. and after As i would have a new life.. though mundane but at least wun have to worry bout such stuffs.. but i have to start learning how to treat ppl all over again so as not to make the same mistakes..

guess i will close this chapter of my depression story ba.. time to get back to reality liao.. actually i dunno wat i was toking about.. juz wanted to let off some steam.. yeah.. back to things that happen today..

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wooo.. damn shiok today.. rest at home din study or anything.. also din go to skl as i planned.. apparently i am too tired and too lazy liao le.. had a good time resting.. hahax.. manga-ing and anime-ing the whole day.. watched a few episodes of anime and also cleared many of my comics that i haven read becos of the exams.. one word to describe my feelings now.. shiok.. wahahax..

guess will be going to lot 1 to buy comics later on ba.. then can read again.. wahahax.. today i think dedicated to rest de.. like my junior said.. car also need to add petrol de.. direct translation from chinese.. actually should say car needs to refuel de.. wahahax.. so juz rest today and then start to cheong again tml.. yeah.. also have to put my heart and soul now to plan for my og outing.. hopefully can let zi cheng have a fun time to catch up with our og peeps.. =)

i guess i will end here ba.. going lot 1 liao le.. and tml going to skl to start mugging for As.. let studies occupy my whole mind now so i wun think of stuffs.. yeah.. flying off!!!

P.S. 42 days till A levels..