my life

sunday.. supposedly a good day for rest and enjoyment.. but i had a rather bad sunday today.. din do much things today.. cauz got disturbed last night.. and wasn't feeling good.. thinking too much.. but i guess i should realli think thru things.. got affected once again by things that are happening ard mi..

actually thought i gained a little acceptance from ppl.. but i guess i din ba.. ppl still look at mi with the same light after last time incidence.. especially on friday when i went for that fcuking talk in skl.. i was beatened back to square one.. when someone wrote on his blog that i was the "1 and special 1".. maybe perhaps ppl may think that its nothing, but to mi, its a big thing.. 1 and special 1.. wat did the person imply? his sarcasm??? his unhappiness??? his hate??? i dunno.. shan't say who he or she is.. but i guess he or she would noe i am toking bout u.. i mean plz la.. give urself some respect and others some space to breathe.. if u realli wanna show ur unhappiness.. kao bei it to mi la..

i din mean to realli wanna go for the talk.. but wat that person say meant alot.. saying i purposely wanna go for that talk.. something along that line i guess.. i mean put urself in my shoes.. u din get out of skl in time and got locked in.. forget it.. i guess he or she wun understand.. no matter how much i explain.. its futile.. cauz his or her perception on mi will nv change no matter wat i guess.. and i am realli too tired to care le ba.. i guess there is nothing i can do anymore.. no matter how much i change.. no matter how much i am willing to accomodate and care for others.. it wun help.. i am juz too tired.. realli tired..

i realli dunno why.. so many things have been gushing in and out of my brains.. so many thoughts i have.. that is realli making mi confused and very baffled.. i msged mr chai last night to tell him wat i feel.. but i guess i am juz stupid ba.. shouldn't have made this comment to him.. i told mi i realli hope he can stop calling miss ng "huang lao" behind her back.. cauz our class ppl is following suit and calling her the same thing.. i guess no matter wat she does badly or she says badly, i believe that she still command and deserve a bit of respect for she is once our teacher.. moreover, she has not been with our class for a long time and i think she din do anything earthshaking.. i mean ppl may say i am juz trying to get pai miss ng de ma pi.. but i seriously dun care anymore liao.. mr chai told mi he can say anything he likes cauz she is not his teacher.. but he also says he din ask us to call her name.. but i mean wat he says is juz futile.. our class ppl will still call her nicknames behind her back.. but i realli feels she deserve that single bit of respect for wat she has done for us.. unless ppl deny her efforts.. i got nothing to say.. i realli dun wish our class ppl become ingrateful and disrespectful.. i mean we go thru education not to be ingrateful and disrespectful barbarians.. i realli dunno.. but i realli wish our class ppl can stop calling her names.. but i guess this wish will nv ever come thru.. this is the failure of education.. and i guess everyone will hate mi saying all these..

i realli dunno.. if i post this up, ppl will start hating mi again i believe.. and worse than ever before.. but i still choose to post this up.. cauz i dun care le.. i realli wish for the good of our class.. but i feel many ppl wun believe in wat i say.. mr chai said i did not have brains to think and say things.. i am hurt.. seriously hurt.. a teacher said this to mi.. it may be an advice.. but its harsh i guess.. perhaps i realli do not have brains ba.. but i realli do not wanna be hurt over and over again for anything i done wrong.. but i guess this will nv come true.. ppl will juz condemn mi for a mistake made.. and i guess i dun wanna care anymore le.. i am tired.. so tired of life le..