my life

wat is life??? has anyone ever wondered about it??? has anyone ever thought about it??? wat does life truly means??? i guess this is a question that i have been pondering and wondering about ever this yr has started.. is life all about care and concern??? or is life all about deceit and hatred??? i realli cannot understand.. how should someone act??? how should someone behave??? how should someone speak??? how should someone express themselves??? i realli cannot understand..

i have realli been living in a life of hatred and deceit ever since this yr has started.. deceit from others.. and most importantly from myself.. i have been deceiving myself in life.. why am i deceiving myself??? i realli dun noe.. why am i hiding the true me??? i also cannot understand.. hiding behind a fake facade, locking myself within mi.. nv wanting express the true mi to others.. wat am i afraid of??? i realli dun noe.. afraid of others' opinion and how others look at mi perhaps.. being over sensitive i guess.. and i realli dun seem to be able to unleash the true mi..

whenever i try to express myself, i alwaes fail.. to an extent that i alwaes offend ppl and ppl hate mi.. ppl treat wat i say as trash, as crap.. nv seem to be able to accept wat i say.. perhaps thats why i dun wanna speak bout things anymore.. especially in skl.. i am tired.. realli tired.. whenever i say something, ppl tend to ignore mi.. and it makes mi feel bad.. i also seem to say the wrong things at the wrong time.. ppl hate mi for that.. i noe that.. they may be smiling at u but they hid their true feelings.. this is wat ppl do.. i realli dunno.. someone came to mi and told mi i was over sensitive and yet i wasn't sensitive to others' feelings.. i felt bad.. cauz it came from someone i respect.. he said he was disappointed.. so am i.. but does this mean that i will have to alwaes put on a fake smile and laugh in front of others??? when i dun even feel that its right? this is so unreal.. in fact, thats so fake..

does it means there will nv be a day when i will truly gain acceptance and can finally express the true mi??? life is really miserable to be hiding urself everyday.. life becomes routine and mundane.. life becomes meaningless.. ppl already hate mi for who i am now.. someone who nv says the right thing.. this blog.. had been a trigger to lots of commotions and hatred.. when it is the onli small avenue where i can express the true part of mi and rant on my true life.. does it mean i will nv be able to say watever i wan??? does it mean i have to carry on hiding and hiding??? i dun noe.. i realli dun noe.. and i can't seem to get a answer at all..

if i can nv get an answer for my questions, i guess hatred in mi and others towards mi will onli escalate and spiral up to nowhere.. and i will reach a point of no return.. that is to fight a nv ending losing battle.. i realli dun noe wat to do.. where can i get answers to all my doubts and worries??? i guess i may nv get an answer ba..