my life

today suddenly very down in mood.. resting in the afternoon then off to work again in the evening.. the start of the day was still fine.. same hectic day and tiring.. clearing tables and taking orders and serving customers.. got very used to it liao le.. budden dunno why.. when doing side job that time mood suddenly went way down..

got realli affected by wat one of my colleague told mi.. he was feeling angry and upset also.. so went to ask him whether he was alright.. was concerned cauz he wasn't feeling so good.. budden he said something which hurt mi alot.. he said i shouldn't pity him.. i realli dunno wat to say.. i was onli concerned and worried for him as a colleague and as a frend.. budden i realli din understand why he had to say such stuffs.. that i was juz taking pity on him..

i can prefectly understand his feelings.. being picked on no matter right or wrong.. and there are so many unreasonable requests all the time.. i can totally understand his feelings.. and i feel exasperated towards all those stuffs as well.. but wat i cannot comprehend is the fact that why he had to feel i was pitying him??? was asking whether he was alright means i am taking pity on him??? i realli dunno.. but i guess he is feeling equally bad too.. and i am not taking it to heart.. cauz i noe he din say it on purpose but out of anger and exasperation..

there are so many things going thru my mind right now.. and i cannot figure out a way to sort of my thoughts.. everything is running wild in my head right now.. and i dunno wat to do about it.. this feeling realli sux.. there are so many things i cannot fathom and there are so many things i am worried about.. and there are so many problems that i cannot solve.. and i cannot help my frends also.. i am realli helpless..

i realli dunno wat to do liao le.. it was fun working in the past.. now suddenly everyone is so unhappy with work.. everyone is like so pissed and angry with work.. mi too.. i realli got the urge to take a resignation form juz now.. cauz my first opinion bout work is that i have to be happy working there.. but i am not.. budden i am sill hanging on.. for my colleagues.. for the relationship i have with them.. and i noe its worth it.. budden i realli question my abilities to hold on..

i realli hope my mind wun go bersek soon.. apparently recently i am doing nothing else but grumble all the time.. budden think i onli have this place to vent on ba.. cauz apparently i dun like to show it in front of my frends and colleagues.. the things i am worried bout is juz spiraling upwards non stop.. realli hope i will sort out my thinking soon ba.. if not i will become a unhappy person like in the past again.. and i dun wan it to happen ever in my life again..

think i will stop here ba.. tml finally have a day off.. gonna take a break and hope can chill out with frends.. and stop thinking for a day.. but think i cannot ba.. wahahax.. difficult to stop thinking bout things.. gtg le.. flying off...

stuck in a pit of quicksand.. so difficult to crawl out of it.. hoping for a miracle..